#sausage has interest they’re just trying to see if they can make it work with the landlord

[cherryluvrx3]

meat lovers amirite??

Dave Strider x Reader x Karkat Vantas

Chapter 2

It’s been two days since I ordered that pizza and it’s been two days having that smug brat with the nametag “Dave” stuck in my brain.

Honestly I don’t know why I keep thinking about him.

Maybe because it’s been a while since a guy who wasn’t Gamzee has been nice to me or played along with my jokes? Or that he actually seems like a cool guy? Oh geez he is genuinely cool and he knows it. That’s probably why he seems so full of himself- but it’s like you can’t get mad because he has good REASON to be full of himself. I haven’t talked to anyone new my age since I was like a sophomore. The friends I have now are cool of course but I need to start making new bonds! New memories! I’m a senior! I should be talking to more people- well they preferably should be ones from my school but guys who work at Pizza Hut could also work!

Well anyways, as I was saying before, Mr. Dave who works at Pizza Hut has been on the brain and unfortunately for me, my friends also see him as a golden opportunity for me to open up the romance section of my life. So, he, a guy who doesn’t know us, and a guy who we don’t even know has become a recurring topic that my friends can’t just leave alone. Well I guess they’re just trying to help me get a boyfriend.. but still!

——— two days ago..

After I closed the door, I was already prepared to listen to the four dickbags I call friends tease and mock me till the sun goes down, well actually, three guys because Terezi’s sole focus was tearing up the pizza she just snatched from my hands.

“OoooH! Would you look at that? I think someone actually has a little crush?” Roxy giggled as she pulled out cups. “Oh my- shut up Rox. I literally just met the guy, saying I have a ‘crush’ is total delusion.” I grumbled snatching a cup from her.

“Really? Then what was with how you were acting hmm?” She wiggled her eyebrows. “You were totally trying to impress him by ‘acting’ cool and don’t lie! You tried to drag out the conversation just to talk to him more!” Roxy smiled slyly and bumped me with her hip. I tried to hide the embarrassment on my face by digging my head in the fridge, pretending to look for something.

“Mhm! If you ask me -” “No one’s asking-” “I THINK! That adorable, nervous way you were acting was totally a purrfect example of having a crush!” “I'M JUST NATURALLY SHY!” I shout to Nepeta as I see her already adding Dave and editing her mental shipping chart. “Says the guy who’s currently blowing a motherfucker’s ear off..” Gamzee groaned as he was right next to me when I yelled. “Ah sorry..”

“Yeah right they have a crush on that guy! He’s ugly just like I thought!” Terezi laughed while still chewing all the food stuffed in her mouth.

“...”

“...”

“...”

“Uh…Rezi?.. You’re blind ‘member..? Roxy awkwardly laughed.

“Okay and!? I can just tell! He has like- ugly energy y'know? I can smell it on him!” she said defensively, again, with food in her mouth.

“If you can smell anything on him it’s probably fuckin’ pizza grease.” I grumbled.

“I thought he was purrty cute right?” Nepeta asked Gamzee who was chugging a bottle of faygo that he pulled out of nowhere. “Hmm… he wasn’t too bad… the shades make him look a little douche-y though..” He murmured, now more focused on getting some sausage slices before Terezi ate them all.

“So?” Roxy slid next to me with a sly smile.

“So...?”

“Well are ya gonna try to get to know him or not?” She asked in a somewhat exasperated tone. I sighed before speaking, “Ok, lets say, hypothetically, I have somewhat of an interest in getting to know him- as a friend, literally how would I do that?” I asked before taking a bite of a slice that looked… extra burnt?

“I think they fucked up on the peperoni..” Gamzee pointed out how it was much more.. toasty. “Shit, I’ll eat it!” Terezi said, snatching up the most burnt piece and biting into it like nothing.

“..anyways!” Roxy said, bringing me back into the convo. “You can uh..hm..call? Right now? and complain about the burnt pizza so he can come give us a replacement?”

“Girl that’s not flirty, that's just asking for a new pizza.” I deadpanned. “Besides, it's not all burnt and it doesn't seem like Terezi minds eating it- god her jaw just unhinges like a snake..”

“Well you can call tomorrow for pizza to eat?” Nepeta offered. “Fuck I look like? A ninja turtle? I’m not eating pizza for two days in a row.” “Okay! How about like two days from now?” She pouted before shoving a cinnabon in her mouth.

“Hmm..”

“It’s the best ‘natural’ option ya got. A motherfucker gots to take chances if they wanna sniff the sweet aroma of the thorn covered flower we call love.” Gamzee patted my shoulder. “Ugh don’t let him start preaching again!” Terezi groaned, face planted on the table, clearly sick from overeating.

“I guess that’s what I’ll try..” I sighed.

———- present…

Okay.. it’s two days from now and I should call. But what do I say? Order a pizza duh! I mean when he actually gets here what do I say? I gotta stand out compared to all the other guys around town he delivers to know? But I also can’t make it super obvious I wanna get to know him because that’s… like.. creepy…

ding!

Roxy <3

-You call yet?

Tezi >:]

-if you’re gonna do it, don't pussy out!

Ugh! If I keep worrying about the details I'll never get anywhere. I’ll call now. Right now.

————

Dave sighed and blew off the imaginary dust from the counter for the third time. John keeps this place really clean.. he wished he didn’t though… no, not really. It’s more like he wanted something to do. Today was a really slow day. Only thing he could do was count the seconds or annoy Karkat but he already over did it today, the guy seemed like he was on his last thread for real. Best if he didn’t go in the back for a bit and just let Karkat make his pizzas. It was sort of therapeutic for him? In a weird way?

Whatever.

He just wanted something to do.

Normally he could just talk to Aradia who was covering John’s shift but she was out on delivery right now. Even though she was always a bit weird to talk to, that's how desperate he was for something to do.

He sighed again.

.

..

…

….

Ring ring-

He never picked up a phone so fast.

“This is Pizza Hut, what can I do for you?”

“Yeah uh.. Can I get a delivery of a small pepperoni pizza?”

“Alright.. Anything else?”

“Uhm yeah can you...”

“Uh uh?”

“Can you..ugh.. make sure to send your cutest delivery boy again? Ok thanks bye!”

and the call ended.

Oh.

Must be that one guy from before. Last time Dave went he saw their friends peeking around the corner so he could figure out that the poor guy’s friends just set them up. Does that mean they’re doing it again? Already feels a bit like an old joke to play so soon but whatever, at least he had something to do.

A few minutes later Aradia came in looking as.. Aradia like as ever.

“Hey Aradia?”

“Yes, Dave?”

“We got another order for delivery but uh.. can I take it and you’ll man the cashier?”

“Hm.. alright.” Aradia said and just tossed the keys to him which he of course caught perfectly in a cool kid manor and he was out the door.

[kiljoius]

Since I LOVE the way you write (you convey the feelings of the character in a terrific way!), what about a Kiba x Tamaki fanfic at the beginning of their relationship, with her having self-confident problems because of Kiba's beautiful former crush Hinata?

My beloved artist of beautiful KibaTama, KibaHina, Team 8, and so much other content, GiuStoArt! For you, I’ll write anything, and this prompt is very cute. I hope you enjoy what I’ve come up with.

As Pretty As You Are

Ao3 | FFN

Pairing: Kiba Inuzuka/Tamaki

Summary: Tamaki likes where her and Kiba are at, right now.

It’s not too serious, but she can tell he’s smitten with her. It’s what Daku, her closest ninneko, whispers to her, anyway. He’s suspicious of Kiba, and doubly suspicious of Akamaru, but has an open mind. He says that Kiba is doing everything right, so far.

Then, one day, while she’s shopping in the middle market of the Leaf, that all comes into question when she’s approached by Ino.

Word Count: 4.5k

Rating: Teen

~

Tamaki likes where her and Kiba are at, right now.

It’s not too serious, but she can tell he’s smitten with her. It’s what Daku, her closest ninneko, whispers to her, anyway.

Daku’s never been one be open in front of others. A stark black cat, he prefers to keep to himself, or Tamaki. He’s suspicious of Kiba, and doubly suspicious of Akamaru, but has an open mind. He says that Kiba is doing everything right, so far.

Then, one day, while she’s shopping in the middle market of the Leaf, that all comes into question when she’s approached by Ino.

“Hey! Tamaki, right?” Ino gives her a wave as she approaches, one hand wrapped behind her back. Tamaki tilts her head curiously. She knows who Ino is; she knows who all of the Konoha 12 are at this point, who doesn’t? They’re not just all Kiba’s classmates and friends, they’re all hailed as heroes to some degree. Some less than others (Kiba), but still, they all garner some form of respect in this village she moved to some years ago.

“Yes, hello.” Tamaki gives a short nod and a smile, respectfully. “I-uhm, I’m surprised you know me?”

“Well yeah,” Ino laughs lightly, leaning over to peak in Tamaki’s basket. “Kind of hard to miss the first girl who’s ever been interested in Kiba!”

Tamaki pales at that. What does she mean by that? “Oh…”

“Oooh, are those for Akamaru?” Ino pokes inside her basket at some dried sausages and Tamaki looks down as well.

“They are.” She’s trying to win the pup over. Her grandmother called her crazy for trying to make something work with a member of a dog clan, and while she’ll never admit it, it’s part of the reason she’s attracted to Kiba. To irritate her grandmother. She loves her dearly, but it is funny seeing her realize she has less control over Tamaki than she thought. Who’s to say cats and dogs can’t get along anyhow? Sure, Daku swats at Akamaru’s butt sometimes, but it’s out of love. She’s caught Akamaru sitting on the cat’s face on more than one occasion.

“Good idea.” Ino nods her approval and Tamaki smiles. “I’m honestly glad you came around, you know?”

“Oh?” Tamaki tilts her head curiously. She hasn’t had much chance to interact with Kiba’s friends outside of Shino. She’s met Hinata a couple of times, along with Choji when they ran into each other during a date to a barbeque restaurant, but that was the extent of it so far. She does wonder sometimes what his old friends think of her, but tries not to focus on it too much.

“Mhm.” Ino nods again, hand on her hip. With her other hand, she flips her long, cascading hair over her shoulder and she smirks. “After all of those years of that crush on Hinata, I’m happy that dolt is moving on.”

Tamaki freezes.

Crush on Hinata?

Well, this is a new development. The sudden weight on her heart is unwelcome.

“Hey!” Ino laughs, sets a placating hand on Tamaki’s shoulder. “Hey, hey I didn’t mean to make you lock up like that! That’s in the past obviously, she’s dating Naruto now, right?”

Tamaki swallows. That is true, she supposes. Kiba never really got around to explaining how that happened, but she’s spotted the happy couple on a few different occasions. The way Hinata looks at Naruto is like something out of a movie. Tamaki exhales a little breath, formulating a response. “Right…I just—well, I wasn’t aware of this crush.”

“Hinata’s not, either.” Ino rolls her eyes as her hand slides off Tamaki’s shoulder. “Kiba did a good job not showing it too much, and Hinata’s a little clueless sometimes when it comes to things not Naruto, but I always saw it. But you know what? You’re just what he needed.”

Tamaki thinks that Ino’s attempt at comfort is perhaps admirable, but really not very good. She’s unsure of how to respond.

“Well anyway, I just wanted to introduce myself—oh shoot, I didn’t even do that, did I? Ino Yamanaka! I hope I see you around more often.” Ino lifts a hand to wave, and Tamaki weakly lifts hers back, realizing she spoke maybe 20 words to the woman for the entirety of that exchange?

As the high-ponytailed blond skips off, Tamaki feels that weight on her heart grow.

This was not what she needed today.

-

Kiba thinks Tamaki is beautiful.

Not in the same way as other girls. Not like Ino, who is objectively hot and bold. Not like Sakura, who is bright and powerful. Not like Tenten, who is quick-witted and stylish. Not like Hinata, who is soft and sweet.

No, Kiba thinks Tamaki is beautiful in the way that she’s real. She doesn’t do herself up, but when she rolls out of bed, she looks stunning. She doesn’t need to flex knowledge and power, and yet, the words she says are thoughtful and challenge his mind. She doesn’t behave seductive or flirty, and even still, she makes his heart flutter with how she moves and acts.

Like right now. All she’s doing is wiping down counters, thinking out loud about the errands she needs to run, and he thinks she’s grace personified. She’s in an apron and scolding Daku for being too close to a vase of flowers on a shelf near the fridge, about to jump to it and he thinks she’s cute doing it. Daku jumps anyway, and when she curses, loudly, while catching the vase that was bound to be pushed off, he thinks it’s downright sexy.

“Good catch,” he comments loftily, chin resting on his palm as he admires her. She looks over her shoulder, and even though she doesn’t offer him a smile, she’s pretty anyway.

“How long have you just been staring?” she asks, brows furrowing, scowl forming.

“Entire time.” He smirks at the way pink hits her cheekbones. That’s cute, too.

“Don’t you have anything better to do?” Tamaki asks, huffing slightly as she places the vase back in its spot.

“Nothing better than this.” Kiba chuckles when she shakes her head.

She looks up at the black cat who, if Kiba didn’t know any better, looks smug. “Daku, if you jump back on that shelf, I will surrender you to the local shelter.”

Kiba watches as the cat looks at her, unamused. He knows he’s saying something back to her, though he doesn’t know what. It must’ve been something like how he interacts with Akamaru.

“Don’t test me, cat.”

He finds it amusing when the cat opens his mouth with a little hiss back. When Tamaki reaches over to turn on the faucet threateningly, Daku shrinks back with his ears down, growling quietly. Satisfied, she shuts off the faucet. “Thought so.”

“So bossy,” he says as he gets out of the chair, sliding up behind her as casually as possible, hands finding her waist. She tilts her head back to look up at him and he can’t help but rest his gaze on those lovely light brown eyes. They remind him of honey, warm and inviting, and he’s instinctively licking his lips. She reaches out to push his face away and he takes her wrist to stop it from bullying him.

“Bossy?” she questions, and he wonders why she’s frowning. “Thought you liked…quiet, and shy.”

Kiba releases her wrist and pulls away from her, forehead creasing at that. “What? What’s that supposed to mean?”

Tamaki doesn’t turn to look at him, instead picking up the rag she had been cleaning with and continuing. “Nothing. Forget it.”

“Yeah, no.” His hand finds her shoulder to try to turn her around, and she resists. He huffs, annoyed. “Hey, what’s up?”

“I said nothing,” she snaps, and it makes him recoil. He glances up at Daku, who is now staring at him with lazily hung eyelids. Kiba tilts his head as if the cat can offer him some guidance, but Daku simply looks away.

Kiba wonders what in the hell he did to get this treatment. What does she mean by quiet and shy?

“Maybe you don’t know me well enough yet,” he starts, folding his arms and leaning a hip on the counter perpendicular to the one she’s cleaning, “but I don’t like playing games. I need clear signs, Tamaki.”

She sighs, loudly, and her shoulders slump. His frown deepens as he inhales through his nose, practically smelling the anxiety radiating off of her. “I just…didn’t know you…” The sentence fizzles out.

“I what?” he presses, leaning his head forward. She turns and the grimace on her face isn’t suited for her. He likes it better when she’s smiling with those pearly teeth.

“Had feelings for your teammate.”

Kiba blinks and wonders whose ass he’s going to have to kick for this.

“It’s fine, Kiba.” Tamaki raises a hand, hanging her head. “I’m sure it’s in the past. I’m trying to get it out of my mind…it’s just kind of difficult.”

His jaw flexes as he runs through names until it lands on a particularly aggravating one. “You talk to Ino?”

“She ran into me at the market.” He watches as she fidgets with her apron, still refusing to meet her eyes.

“Pig never minded her business…” He sighs, taking a page from Sakura. He runs his fingers through his hair, then readjusts his collar before stepping towards her. She looks up as his hand cups her chin, and he leans forward. “I’m not keeping secrets from you, Tamaki.” He figures the best way is to be straightforward, he’s never been one to beat around the bush anyway. “If you’d asked, I would’ve told you. So what? I had a stupid teenage crush on my teammate. It is all in the past now, though.”

“I know that…”

“Not sure you do,” he responds with a shake of his head, unconvinced, “if it’s bothering you this much. So I guess I’ll just have to show you.”

“Show me?” Her eyes finally meet his, a little wider now. He nods, smiling.

“Be up bright and early tomorrow,” he finishes, leaning in to press a kiss to her lips. He smiles at the way she returns it despite herself, her hand sliding over the wrist of the hand holding her chin.

If he has to show her, he has no problem doing so.

-

Tamaki does as asked (or commanded, though she chooses to think it was more a request). She’s never been a morning person, Kiba’s the one that’s usually dragging her out of bed. Daku grunts irritably as she pushes him to the side, then swings her legs over the side of the bed. When she approaches her mirror, she scowls at herself.

Since that day with Ino, she’s been questioning far more than she likes. She doesn’t want to be, she knows she shouldn’t. There’s nothing wrong with her, she knows that. She might not be a shinobi, with grand power and skill. She might not be strikingly beautiful, with bright eyes and luxurious hair. She might not be as worldly as others, with travelling experience and cultural insights.

But she is Tamaki, and she thinks she’s enough. She thinks she’s smart and hard-working, she trains ninneko who are some of the trickiest animals. She thinks she’s kind and easy-going, never letting the little things get her down and always offering compassion for others. She thinks she looks as good as any other woman; she keeps in shape, she grooms her hair to sit nicely, she wears formfitting clothes.

She spins in front of the mirror and decides to get changed and clean up before she makes any decisions. She pulls on a sleeveless turtleneck, changes her sweatpants to a pair of shorts for the warmer weather. Straps a satchel around her hips. Then she rustles through a little jewelry box for a nice bracelet and loops it around her wrist.

After she brushes out the tangles in her hair, she looks back in the mirror. Still, she’s unsatisfied. She’s ashamed to admit that she’s thinking of Hinata’s beautiful, dark hair, and her bright, lavender eyes.

Despite her initial reaction, she’s not surprised to find out Kiba may have had interest in her. She’s pretty, she’s strong, and she seems to have a big heart. Tamaki knows for a fact she’s kind, because she’d never been anything but kind to her up to this point. And she believes Ino when she says Hinata had been none the wiser, because she sees how deep her admiration for Naruto runs. She’s only ever encountered Hinata with her arm looped around Naruto’s, and the way she looks up at him with stars in her eyes—well, yeah, it’s pretty clear to her he’s her whole world, and it had probably been that way for a long time.

To be fair, Kiba had never given her any reason to think he had interest in Hinata. He speaks fondly of her like he does Shino, about their time missioning together, their time training and bonding as a team. It’s something she hadn’t had the chance to experience herself, but it was clearly important to him. She thinks of how he described his annoyance with her infatuation with the bright-eyed blond Hero of the War, but he ultimately concluded that he was happy that “the loser woke up and saw what was right in front of him all along.” His words, not hers.

She wonders if he ever resented either of them for it. If he had, he’d never shown it. So perhaps she was getting too stuck in her own mind.

As she waits on her doorstep after laying down Daku’s breakfast, she bounces on the balls of her feet and wishes she had asked Kiba for a specific time instead of simply ‘bright and early’, which could be a broad spectrum of time. But she sees him in the distance regardless, and she’s surprised to see Akamaru isn’t with him. She smiles faintly as he cast a long arm up to wave at her, enthusiastically, and she has to remind herself that this is always how he greets her: with glee, like it’s been months since they’d seen each other. No one else is as happy to see her as Kiba is, and it makes the butterflies in her stomach light up.

“Good, I didn’t have to drag your ass out of bed,” he teases her as he nears, and she rolls her eyes.

“Where’s Akamaru?” she questions, genuinely.

“Dropped him at the nursery.” He shrugs, holding out a hand for her. She takes it. His hands are one of the things she likes best about him, physically. They’re large and encase hers, makes them feel small in his grip. It’s a silly sense of safety.

“You didn’t have to leave him,” she says with a frown. She doesn’t want him to think she doesn’t like the pup. Their relationship is strained right now, but she’s sure that would pass once the pup succumbs to her charm, or at least she likes to think so.

He shakes his head, using his other hand to wave in front of his face. “Hana asked me to bring him by anyway, help train some of the new pups.”

She tilts her head, but accepts that. She hopes he’s not just trying to make her feel better. “So where are we going?”

“And ruin the surprise?” He smirks, casting his eyes towards her. She squints at him. “Give a guy some credit, Tamaki. Trust me, you’ll like it.”

She decides to trust him, because she hasn’t really had a reason not to, to this point. And she’s curious at what he thinks could convince her definitively that those feelings are in the past.

While they stroll through the village towards the outer gates, they engage in normal chatter. He asks her if Daku’s been a pain in her ass this morning, she asks him if Akamaru berated him for going out without him.

As they stray farther and farther from the village, Tamaki feels a little nervous. She hasn’t really packed much, all she has around her hip is a satchel with water and a few snacks. The further they go, the more she wonders where he could possibly be taking her. Again, she’s not a shinobi. She thinks she can rough it just fine, but she’s not nearly as experienced as someone like Kiba out in the wilderness, and she’s sure he’s strapped to the gills with weapons and rations, as any shinobi should. She is not.

“Kiba?” she interrupts something he was saying about the proper diet of a nin dog, “we’re getting pretty far from the village…I’m not prepared for some sort of overnight trip.”

“It’s just up ahead.” He casts a lazy finger towards what looks like a plain old mountain side. “Don’t worry, nothin’ overnight. I got everything we need for the day on me.”

“The mountain? I’m not the best climber…”

He snickers at her, and it just further confuses her. As they get within meters of it, he jogs up ahead of her. She watches curiously as he rubs his palms together before setting them on a boulder that matches him in height. Her head leans back in surprise as he begins rolling it away, revealing a large hole in the middle. Another thing she has to remind herself of is just how strong he is. The size of that boulder must’ve easily been ten times his weight.

She’s surprised that it’s not dark in there like she might have expected it be, like a cave in the mountain side. Sunlight beams through as the boulder comes to a halt, making enough room for a person to pass through. It shines outwards, casting a gleaming sheen on the greenery that surrounds the mountain. He holds out his hand for her and she swallows thickly.

Hesitantly, she steps forward and accepts the hand, letting him lead her in. She has to trust him at this point. Her heart beats a little faster, wondering what this grand surprise could be.

And it’s a sight that she realizes was worth the journey for.

A large swath of land, illuminated in the rising sun from a hole atop of the mountain. A sparkling lake in the middle of it, shimmering with the rays from the sunshine. Blooming foliage surrounds it, settled atop lush green grass. Scattered butterflies floating around, landing on select flowers. She even sees an adorable bunny skitter by. The perimeter of the circular area was cast in shadows, but the lake right in the middle was brightly lit and inviting.

“Kiba…” she breathed out, eyes wide like saucers as she takes in the beautiful scene.

“Only taken Akamaru here.” She looks up to see him rubbing the bridge of his nose, a light dusting of pink on his cheeks. She likes it when he blushes, it makes his tanned, marked face look even more colorful, contrasting those gleaming white fangs.

“No one else?” she asks, stepping forward into the sunlight. She closes her eyes as she tips her face upwards towards it.

He approaches from behind. “Nope.”

“Not even…” She lets a pause sit for a moment before continuing, “your teammates?”

“Like I said,” he chuckles, settling next to her with his hands shoved in his pockets, “just Akamaru. And now you.”

Her heart swells a little with those words. She sighs, deeply, contentedly as she opens her eyes back up to the beautiful scenery. “It’s…breath taking.”

She hums softly, already knowing what was coming next. “Like you.” He’s predictable in a good way.

She lets a giggle escape her at that, looking back up at him. The way the sun reflects off his skin is heavenly, she thinks. He’s always looked best bathing in the rays. It was like he absorbed energy from the sun itself, like some sort of plant photosynthesizing. She said that to him once, and he called her corny, but it really felt like it sometimes. She felt his hand slide into hers and begin tugging her towards the lake.

“K-Kiba, you know I don’t really like water,” she tries to protest, hesitant as he leads her to the lake.

“It’s warm,” he points out, as if that’ll make a difference. She chews her lip as he kicks off his sandals. When she doesn’t follow suit, he laughs and drops to his knees, reaching for hers. She tries to nudge him off, but he’s stronger and she’s not really putting up a fight. “Just your feet, huh? You’re already in shorts—which look pretty sexy, by the way.”

“Ah—” She feels heat in her cheeks and knows she can’t resist him. She relents, letting him slide off one sandal, then the other, and she admires the care he takes with her belongings versus his own, carefully setting them aside next to each other neatly. He gets back up and continues tugging her to the water, until their feet are barely submerged. He guides her to sit, and she finds herself tucked away in his arm.

“Told you it was worth it,” he whispers, pulling her in close, and she willingly molds her body into his.

“How did you find this place?” she asks, genuinely curious. It looks untouched by any human, which if Kiba and Akamaru are the only ones who know about it, would make sense. Kiba’s a big believer in leaving nothing but footprints out in nature, and she admires that about him. It’s a philosophy she’s always held, too.

“Training with Akamaru out here. We were hunting for dinner and he caught a whiff of a rabbit in here, wouldn’t stop nudging that boulder, so I finally gave in just to shut him up. Turns out, there was this.”

Tamaki smiles. “That’s a fun story.”

“Yep.” Kiba looks down at her with a lopsided grin, one that she’s thought was cute since he first offered it to her. “And now you’re the only other person who knows about it.”

She stopped to really sit with those words. He was really making an effort to make her feel special, and feel special she did. Honestly, she was relieved, too. When she was first grappling with that stroke of jealousy and battered confidence, she was afraid to let him know about it. She thought maybe he’d be like all the other guys in her past: call her crazy, tell her she’s overreacting, make her feel insignificant and small. She’d never had much luck in the romance department before, she thought maybe it was just her who was the bad egg.

But he was really trying. He didn’t make her feel stupid for how she felt, just simply proved to her that he did in fact only have eyes for her, for now at least. She hoped it would stay that way, because no one had made her heart jump quite like he had.

Still, her instinct was to apologize, so she did. “I’m sorry for doubting you…”

“Stop, Tamaki.” She tilted her head at his interruption. He shook his head. “’m sorry you felt like that. I don’t ever want you to feel like that. You really are special to me, Tamaki.”

She feels the butterflies in her stomach go into a frenzy, words lost on her. So she resorts to snark to cover her fumble. “Who knew you were so cheesy?”

He laughs, and it makes her smile grow. His laugh is clear and bright and she loves to hear it. “Some thanks would be nice!”

She bites back another snarky retort, instead nods. “Thank you, really. You didn’t have to reveal your secret hideout to me just to make me feel better.”

“I didn’t do it just to make you feel better.” He shrugs, pulling himself to his feet. She casts her gaze up at him curiously. “I was thinking of bringing you soon, anyway. Opportunity presented itself, and you know me. I’m a man of action.” She giggles and nods in agreement. He really was. When they first met, he was flustered by her, that much was clear, but he was on her doorstep within a week with hastily collected flowers and a request for a date. It was the most straightforward she’d ever had a man approach her. He continued, “now it’s our secret hideout.”

Those words bring a blush to her cheeks, and she can’t even pretend to dislike it. “Our secret hideout…” She brings a hand up to her cheek, watching as he peels his shirt off. She already knows he’s planning to get into the water, because again, that’s just the kind of man he is. Spontaneous, living in the moment. It’s something she hadn’t realized she needed in the monotony of her day to day. As his shirt flies to the ground, she can’t help but rest her eyes on that muscled torso, the deep v cutting into the waistline of his shorts. She sighs dreamily at the sight. That was also something she hadn’t realized she needed. She never thought herself one to be shallow, but his physique certainly didn’t hurt…

“I like it that way, anyway.” He tears her from her daydreams as he crouches in front of her, hand finding the side of her face. She leans into the touch, enjoying the way his hand size covers her cheek fully and the way the calloused pad of his thumb feels rubbing against her cheekbone. He leans in to take her for a kiss, and she sighs into it, now fully assured that he was indeed telling her the whole truth. When he pulls away, she instinctively reaches back out, ignoring his teasing chuckle as he relents to a longer kiss.

Finally, she lets him go and enjoy the water. As he stands to his full height, he winks down at her and she rolls her eyes, still with a smile. She shoos him away with her hand, giggling, “go ahead.”

She wiggles her toes in the water as he backs away from her. His gaze lingers on her and she feels hot under it, that cocky smirk that never seems to leave his lips. He outstretches his arms as he becomes knee deep in  the water. “Now sit back and relax, little lady, and enjoy seeing this body you’ve only ever dreamt about until now!”

She thinks his charm is foolish for her to buy into, but she wouldn’t have it any other way.

[wasatchmountaindogs]

They’re getting really good at perch work - but Bacon will kick anyone else out of his way. The perch is his and his alone…

[du-buk]

8:11 Character/ Story asks;

Anons that have asked about characters and story beats! Spoilers are at the very end‼️

Trying to organize things the best I can! I’ve gotten SUPER behind on some asks.... I’m terribly sorry! I don’t go online much, and, reading text online is very difficult (for reference, this is what it looks like while also suffering from dyslexia)

Ryker ask;

Howdy! Sorry, but, Ryker’s clothing holds no meaning what-so-ever:D I think they just found a sweater they really liked and then added a crop top over it.

Nope! Beetle’s words are most likely verbal nonsense. Sounds like someone talking backwards, with some bug clicking noises, and chirping, and whatever else sprinkled in. He’s non human, and not like any living creature on Earth for that matter, so he wouldn’t have typical vocal cords.

Since he is linked with Ryker, his words are probably just telepathically and automatically translated for Ryker or something crazy like that.

Hmmmm.... the answer depends on where they are hanging out. If it’s at the basilica, Vittorino might be on edge and pissed. Which is the main reason why he attacked Ryker, haha.

If they’re all at Juliek’s house, or Accardi’s house.... hmmm. No okay, nevermind, it would still end up badly. Like this one vine

Gabriel Asks;

When I was redesigning him, I only gave him half facial hair to see what I liked..... but I liked how it looked just as is, so, I kept it, hahahah.

I like to think that he shaves during a shower, but, forgot to shave the other side until he stepped out of the shower.

Hmmm....I like to think Gabriel is a natural blonde. I think it’s just part of my style to add some colored roots to blonde characters (explains why Vittorino has black sideburns too lol) :) Susan will have a similar effect with different-colored roots:) If I keep the design idea hahahah

And Susan.....hmmmm...........

They most likely knew each other, if Gabriel was in the old friend group. But let’s find out in the future;)

Susan & Amalia asks;

She loves them! She probably does artsy things with Vittorino, and Accardi typically drives her around wherever since Juliek can’t drive.

Juliek’s wife was a model, and was also a graphic designer. And was in marketing once. She’s done a lot of different jobs, as she’s never satisfied with something long term.

 Vittorino/Juliek/Accardi asks;

HAHA oh anon(s).......... This dynamic was messy, that's for sure. Almost everyone fucked each other. But Chapter one was just a good starting point to get the basic idea of the trio friend group (Juliek, Accardi, and Vittorino.......and possibly Gabriel now too?), how they interact, feel about each other on a surface level, and Accardi moving on from Juliek to chase his interest in Ryker.

We will get to see a lot more with Juliek and Accardi’s past relationship, Juliek and who exactly his wife is, and their relationship, Vittorino’s factor with everything, etc. I’m glad you liked them so much! I love them so much:,D

He might. I wonder if it fucks up the high or not then, lol.   

No clue actually. I had no real vision for it when I made that dialogue.

Vittorino’s specialty is abstract art, so, maybe Accardi commissioned some floral abstract works? Something to put in his house and just admire. Who knows.... Too bad he can’t finish it now because he opened the damn Bible :)

Everyone’s hair is 100% natural! We live by anime rules in this universe.

I like to think Juliek’s wife, Susan, dyes her hair often just for aesthetic reasons though.

Vittorino fox hat🦊

What makes you ask that anon?

Well 😏 We know Accardi said his favorite was long pork.

Ryker likes sweet foods, and really likes yogurt cake and crepes.

Leon; Savory soups:) But probably hates that he sounds like an old man saying that, so he probably says its actually elk burgers.

Juliek; Probably something really fancy. Something that he can pair with a good glass of wine.... maybe something like a sausage pasta?

Susan;  Kare Pan (Japanese Curry Bread)

Vittorino; Quail meat

Gabriel; His mom's homemade pizza:) She makes it with prosciutto :,D

Dakota & Wankou; BBQ ribs and seafood! I don’t know much about seafood so uhhhh just guess for that one sorry lol.

1. Everyone’s a switch. Including him.

2. He probably only bottomed for two people in his whole life; Gabriel and ermmmmmmmmmmm. Well. Can’t say it’s spoilers :P

He would! But nooooooo idea how anyone would be able to pull it off. I’ve definitely thought of making his mask(face?) before, just for fun, but I have no experience in such things.

Possible Spoilers Regarding Leon;

Hi anon! I scanned through the pictures in the beginning of the game, and, I could not find any images of Leon with purple-colored eyes? If you can find one and send me the title or description of it, that would be appreciated as I can’t find it myself! Sorry! Leon’s eyes hold a lot of thematic and imagery importance, so, if Leon randomly has purple eyes I might need to fix that, hahahah. But his eyes should just be yellow/orange/gold (within that spectrum).

Although, Leon’s eye color was up for debate towards the ending (depending on what items you had collected). So who knows what truth Leon and Dante are hiding from Ryker ;)

[mayaflowerxs]

STRAYKIDS AS PETS

(Maknae Line)

Synopsis: How you met him & how it’s going since. (Either dog or cat)

Warning: fluff, mentions of abandonment but of angst not much

Pairing: skz x reader (gender neutral)

Jisung:

Sheltie dog he is. You met Jisung at a festival. They were selling dogs for a cheap price and most of the people crowding the center were looking to get puppies. Jisung happened to be the only adult dog there. With a huff, he stayed in his cage rather than run around in the small fenced area the other pups were doing. In his mind, he always thought that he would never get adopted. He wasn’t pet material enough for anyone to have any interest in. Or lovable enough at that. Deciding it was best to just try to get some sleep. That was until a group of college teens had passed by. Most of them awed at the cute puppies. You on the other hand saw Jisung in his crate. You didn’t know what to exactly call it, maybe fate but you really wanted the attention of Jisung’s rather than the pups. Making kissy noises to grab his attention. Jisung looks up and sees you crouched down. Your hand out to him, confused. This was the first time in months since he has gotten any sort of attention from a stranger. “Hi” you say softly at him. Jisung slowly gets out of his crate and makes his way over to you. Letting you pet him, you felt how soft he was. His beautiful brown eyes captivating you.

“You should take him.” The man who worked in the sale for pets said. “He’s been with us ever since he was a pup. No one even glances at him simply because he’s older than the puppies.” Jisung felt his heart race. Will this be the day? Will he finally have a home? He didn’t want to get his hopes up but no matter how much he tried to tell himself not to, he couldn’t prevent his tail from wagging vigorously. “Oh I...” you seemed hesitant to say yes. You didn’t expect to adopt a dog especially since you never owned one or taken care of one. You’re more of a cat type of owner. In fact, you have a cat back at home named Minho. Jisung’s tail slowly came to a halt. He knew it. He wasn’t getting adopted today or ever at that. Lowering his head, he tried to ignore the pang feeling in his chest. He really was getting used to the feeling of your soft hands petting his head softly. “Oh alright.” Almost snapping his neck for how fast he lifted it, he saw the bright smile on your face. “Great!” The man said. Jisung couldn’t believe it. He finally has a home, a human to look out for him. Or scratch that, a human he can look out for. Oh how he always wanted a human to give all his love and affection to. He couldn’t keep it in any longer. Jumping in glee, he covers you in sloppy wet kisses. Even if you groaned and tried to get him to stop, he couldn’t. That’s just how happy he was. Jisung absolutely adores you. A lot of the time you will see him admiring you from a distance, if not he’ll even sit by you and just stare. At first you found it weird but you got used to it. That’s how much he loves you. He’ll stick to your side a lot. Minho teases him for being such a clingy dog but he can’t help it. He adores you so much it hurts to be away from you. He has severe separation anxiety. Minho knew immediately the first day when you had gone to work, Jisung looked like he could lie dead any second if he didn’t see you or hear your beautiful voice. Now every time you go out, Minho doesn’t think twice. He goes to him and comforts him, tries to distract him until you come back home. When you do come home, the both of you spend the rest of the night comfortably in each other’s presence.

Felix:

Felix is most certainly an orange tabby. Your sister had a female tabby who was in fact Felix’s mom. When she gave birth to a litter of three Felix immediately had gotten attached to you. It had gotten to a point where he would neglect his mom, siblings and your sister to just be with you. Once when you had to go home, he had escaped and managed to get in your car. It wasn’t until you got the the first stop light where you heard the soft meow come from him. Squealing as you turn around and we’re met with his small self. Tilting his head as if to say he had no idea why you were so shocked to see him. You made a u-turn and had to bring him back, even though you didn’t want to but you knew it was for the best. Besides, Felix wasn’t yours and your sister seemed pretty attached to the cats as well. When coming back, your sister let out a breath she was holding in. Relieved, but seeing you hold Felix softly and carefully in your hands, she just knew how much the bond you and Felix made was a lot stronger than she could ever make with him. Your sister decided it was best if you kept Felix so you agreed without hesitation.

For over three years now you two have grown closer than ever. You know him like the back of your hand and so does he. He knows your every move, your routine, your thoughts. How you’re feeling, everything. He’s always prepared. He seems to know exactly how to cheer you up and keep you company. One thing that he doesn’t like, is the constant smell of other animals on you. Since you work at a veterinary clinic, you deal with all sorts of animals. So when you come home and he smells all the animals, he immediately rushes to you to scent you all over again. Wanting his and only his smell on you. When you get stressed, Felix knows to give you space so he usually naps on the couch until you cool down. But if he sees you’re about close to break down, he immediately rushes to your side. Running his soft small head to your hand, he loves being engulfed in your arms. Running his head in your chest as you pepper him in kisses and hold him close to you. Falls asleep in your arms, gets real whiny when you let go though. Over all, loves you so much that he hates just the mere thought of ever seeing you cry.

Seungmin:

This baby is most certainly a brown Labradoodle. It all started when you were at the carnival your city has every year. Seungmin’s pals (Jisung, Chan & Changbin) already have owners. Since they’re all pretty protective of their human, they had gotten out of their homes to spy on their humans to make sure they were not in trouble. Since no dogs are allowed, they walked to the sides and crawled under the trailers. Eating any of the corn dogs/sausages people dropped on the floor. Seungmin didn’t have an owner. In fact, all four of them were strays at one point. The three of them had found a home & Seungmin was the only one left. It’s not that he wasn’t desirable, believe me so many families/people wanted to adopt him at the foster home they were brought to when getting caught by the pound, nice woman she made sure the four of them didn’t get put down if not possibly adopted or picked up. But Seungmin always refused. He just liked being a stray dog. A lone wolf. Anytime they would adopt him, he would give them so much trouble to the point where they would come back and return him. It’s been two years and it’s still been that way. The boys still come out to see him. After a while, Seungmin had left the foster house and just wanted to live on his own. Maybe even leave the city for a while and see what’s out there. But that idea was cut short when the boys had convinced him to come with them to spy on their humans. He couldn’t help but roll his eyes as they coo’ed at the laughs their humans made. Conversing as they waited in line to get on a ride.

Looking around, he saw all the different people there having fun. Well all except you. You see, you weren’t exactly in a healthy friend group. You were in a group of three and the two other girls seemed to have kept you out of everything. You were standing behind them as they talked as if you weren’t even there. The ride could only let two people on at a time and when it got to your guys turn, you just now realized it and had to get out of the line given that you had no one to ride with. “Sorry” your toxic friends said nonchalantly as they got on. You crossed your arms as you nodded at them. A way to say ‘it’s alright’ even though you didn’t feel alright. You trailed behind them most of the time there and they hadn’t even realized you were there. You felt like a ghost. So you left, not like they cared. You went to buy a hotdog and sat down at the benches they had for people to sit and eat. As the boys were going to leave to go under another trailer and follow their owner’s Seungmin stayed behind. He felt...bad. Which is unusual for him since he usually doesn’t care for humans at all. “Seungmin?” Chan says, “huh?” “You coming?” “Oh yeah.” As they walk off, Seungmin did as well but in the other direction. When getting closer the frown on you only gotten bigger. God, how he hated seeing that frown on you. Walking under the table he poked his head out. Never once has he acted cute but I guess there’s a first time for everything huh? “Oh hey there. Aw are you hungry?” Letting out a soft bark, you share your hotdog with him as Seungmin happily eats the other half you gave him. You rub his head softly, your fingers feeling nice on his head. You felt bad that you had to leave him but you didn’t even realize he was following you until you got out of the carnival. The boys didn’t understand what Seungmin was doing until they saw you. Hope started rising in them. Hope that you would give him a home just like their humans did to them. Since your friends gave you a ride, you had to walk home. Luckily it was only a few blocks away but still you didn’t like walking alone. Hearing the constant click on the cement knowing it wasn’t you, you look behind you and see the brown Labradoodle. A bright smile plastered on your face. He didn’t know what he was doing nor what came over him but as soon as he saw that smile on your face he knew it was his duty to continue putting more smiles on your face. 3 months as passed by and you cut your toxic friends out of your life. With the help of Seungmin of course. He kept barking and growling at them every time they got near you. His black collar with gold writing of his name around his neck. His matted hair now freshly cut and combed. He smells like vanilla and he has a decent sized home with a large bed just for him, (even though he sleeps on your bed. You don’t like that his fur gets on your bed but he still sleeps on it without you knowing) Min absolutely hates seeing you stressed &/or upset. He usually gives you space until he knows you’re ready for cuddles. Then that’s when he slowly crawls his way to you and nuzzles his head under your arm for you to hug him. What a surprise you had when you opened the door one morning and saw three dogs sitting in front of your porch. Barking behind you, looking back and there was Min. Tail wagging as his tongue sticked out. You couldn’t understand what they were saying but it was clear as day that the boys were congratulating Min for finally finding a home and a lovely human to care for.

Jeongin:

Now, Jeongin. I see him as a Corgi. You met him at the shelter. You were actually there to adopt a cat since you grew up around them more than dogs and just felt like adopting one that day. As you were walking down the hall and looked at the animals locked up. You felt pity for all of them, oh how you wished you could adopt them all. As you walked by, Jeongin caught sight of you. His tail started thumping on the floor as his head peaked out a bit to get a better look at you. ‘Wow’ he thought. He frowned when he saw you crouch down and start petting a kitty. Scoffing, ‘that should be me’ Jeongin thought. “That should be me” Jeongin says. Obviously to himself. His barks starts to get louder to the point where he started causing a scene. The man who was showing you the variety of cats huffs as he apologizes to you. Walking over as he yells at Jeongin to be quiet. Jeongin lowers his head as he gives up. You on the other hand caught a glimpse at him and wanted to get a better look at him. Walking away from the cats, you approached the man. As he goes to apologize for the inconvenience, you crouch down. Making noises to grab Jeongin’s attention. His head perks up as he sees your beautiful self right in front of him. Getting up immediately as he rushes over to you. Damn door getting in the way of you two. His small tail wagged as his short legs tried to touch you. Wanting to do nothing more but be in your arms. Oh how much he wanted you to chose him. For a while there you were petting him. Keeping him entertained as he kept you entertained as well. In the end, you knew he had to come home with you. He felt sad when you walked off and thought ‘That’s it? No goodbyes?’ But his life was complete the second he saw that same man start to unlock the door with you behind him. Rushing over to your legs as he circled around you. Jumping on your legs as a way to tell you, ‘carry me’ It’s been three weeks since you adopted Jeongin and things couldn’t get better. He still has to adjust the new area. Seeing that he’s gotten used to the same four walls keeping him entrapped. He didn’t know how much space there was in the world. Oh and the car rides, 1000/10. Gets very grumpy when you don’t take him with you for any errands to be made. Still gets a bit confused when you tell him bad dog for peeing in the house. But if not peeing inside means that you remain content then he’ll gladly give that up. He growls softly at you when you tease him for his little legs. The trouble he has when jumping on the couch or bed. Thankfully you bought him small stairs making it easier for him to get on. The boy loves you dearly seriously. He starts howling when you take too long in the bathroom because he’s easily bored. And if you’re watching tv and he doesn’t find it interesting, he pushes your leg with his paw. Urging you the change the channel until he’s satisfied. Overall, loves you so much and your 540/10 best human to him.

(So sorry Felix’s was a bit shorter than the rest I couldn’t think of other ways to keep his as long as the others!)

[creativerogues]

An Amateur DM’s Worldbuilding Thoughts...

I should write my own sea shanties for my nautical campaigns.

There should be a stage in the tavern in case the Bard wants to perform.

I wish I knew more about food so I could write better tavern menus.

A lot of NPCs are probably farmers; potato farmers, fruit farmers, cattle farmers etc.

I should include more diverse NPCs.

Natural disasters can be the basis for an adventure, what’s causing the tsunamis on the coast, what’s making volcanoes erupt and earthquakes happen.

I should use weather and environments to evoke emotions and imagery way more.

Asian hair tends to be thick and straight, whereas European hair tends to be thinner and can be wavy, and African hair tends to be coarse and have very tight curls.

Historical accounts suggest that some women tried to bleach their hair with lemon juice or darken it with indigo or even mud to fit the current trends, so maybe the players meet a lighter haired woman who smells faintly of lemons!

A wizard’s spellbook probably has stains on its parchment from various foods and drinks.

A mute NPC would be a fun way to test myself and see if I can express concepts and ideas to the Party without just saying them.

“Common” often refers to English, but what about different dialects?

I should come up with more fantasy slang and insults.

Some regional fantasy greetings would be a cool way to immerse the Players in the world, such as “Be Pleasured.” meaning “Hello!”.

I should expand on the cosmology of the material plane, what constellations are in the sky, can the Players see other planets if they look up, how many moons does the world have?

The Party, when they're famous enough, probably have random people wanting to speak with them or get their autograph, which would be a great way to break up any monotony caused by shopping montages or downtime activities.

In a busy urban city, there’s probably a lot of street food and street performers.

In a big city, there’s probably a lot of horses and carriages passing through, so the Party probably aren’t walking in the middle of the road unless the road is too small for that sort of thing.

A country is probably broken up into provinces, counties or territories, and cities are probably broken up into districts.

What’s the longest road or trading route in the world? And why is it so popular?

What’s the longest river or mountain range in the world? Where’s the highest mountain located?

Where are the fault lines in the world? Would there be lot’s of mountains or lots of earthquakes there?

Which countries have the best archers or soldiers or cavalry? Which country has the best naval fleet?

If giant animals and dire beasts (like dire wolfs and giant owls) exist, would people try to use them like cavalry, with people flying giant owls carrying power-kegs so they could drop bombs on the bad guys, or people riding armoured dire beasts into battle...

Certain regions probably have certain cuisines, which would be reflected in their tavern menus.

Different cultures have different views on music, as well as different superstitions and different folk tales.

Different cultures have different architecture, from wood or stone buildings to tents to maybe no “Buildings” at all!

Before a person becomes an adventurer, they were most likely a farmer or labourer of some kind.

Wizards and bards would be great translators.

What does the flag or banner of each country look like, or do certain parts of the country have their own heraldry or coat of arms?

People from the Underdark probably eat a lot of fungus, plants and bugs, so most probably don’t even know what “Meat” is!

There’s lot of downtime entertainment that could engage the Party, from underground fight clubs to libraries to arenas and theatres.

Each district or province of an area probably has their own landmarks, from rivers and castles to statues and other more fantastical landmarks like famous magic shops.

Festivals, Fairs and Concerts are always a fun way to introduce players to a new culture or city. Perhaps it's a noble ball that's invite only, or perhaps the festival doesn't even take place on this plane of existence!

Most birds don’t react to super spicy food (like chilli peppers) like humans do, so most bird-like D&D Races (like Kenku and Aarakocra) might absolutely love (or hate) spicy food!

Sunlight entering water can travel about 3,000 feet under the right conditions, but there is rarely any significant light beyond about 600 feet, meaning you could potentially have underwater combat take place in complete and utter darkness!

Does my world have fishing laws? Like do they care about fish population enough to have laws to help prevent over-fishing?

A party member hears footsteps and whispers from outside their room, only to open their door and find another patron of the inn trying to sneak to their room without waking anyone up.

Fantasy street food can be pretty much anything! From chocolate to meat on skewers to noodles or even sausages stuffed and grilled quickly right in front of the Players as they walk through the streets!

It’s definitely a strength check to try and break out of bonds, but it’s a dexterity check to wiggle yourself out of handcuffs or bindings, remember that!

 Hobo Symbols (an actual thing created by wandering adventurers and nomads) could make for a great way to communicate places of interest to a Party of New Adventurers.

I should use Electrum Pieces more often.

Characters with more siblings means more fun and relevant NPCs you could put in interesting positions. For example, imagine the brother or sister of a Party Member working for the opposing side during a war....

The BBEG could have multiple enemies or allies in high and low places, meaning potential new allies and enemies for the Party to make.

If you want your Players to think you’re a galaxy brain DM, drip feed info little by little into parts of the campaign from the very start, both in and out of combat, that way when the big reveal comes along, the Players think you’re a big-brained master of plot and storytelling!

Some taverns could have darkened or tinted windows, since that'll make every drunkard inside think it's still early in the night.

If a band of bards is playing in a tavern, the Party can probably hear the noises from outside.

More taverns should have a dance-floor!

There should be more families in taverns and inns, since most taverns and inns are similar to hotels or restaurants.

The walls and ceilings of a tavern could be filled with all sorts of things: Light fixtures, chandeliers hanging from the ceiling, wooden beams supporting the walls. Or maybe something more artistic: Paintings, mounted animal heads, tapestries, curtains hanging above windows and doors, just to give a few examples...

[storytellerofuntoldlegends]

tangle up the true and the fable

A/N: empires!scott and empires!jimmy have hella enemies to lovers vibes. so take enemies to hey-wait-were-we-lovers-in-a-past-life to friends. also joel and lizzie make a cameo appearance. title is from Rose by The Oh Hellos! (also reblogs > likes)

Warnings: arguing, death mention, flirting, cave-ins, cave spiders, injury, vague description of cave spider venom effects, nonchalant talk of the minecraft respawn mechanic, near death experiences, explosions, talk of past/alternate lives, angst with a happy ending, hopeful ending

Summary: Jimmy doesn't understand why the ruler of Rivendell doesn't seem to like him. He supposes that going on a mining trip in Scott's mountains without asking permission doesn't exactly help matters much though. But when the two of them end up trapped in the caves, will they be able to set aside their differences to survive?

-

Jimmy should really start thinking before he did things. Like stealing- ahem. Borrowing some cake ingredients from Sausage, which in turn caused him to steal Jimmy's prized music disc. Or whatever was the deal with the Rivendell ruler, Scott. Jimmy wasn't sure what exactly he did to get on the elf's bad side, but Scott didn't seem to like him very much. Well... at least sometimes he seemed to hate Jimmy. Sometimes it seemed like... something else. Jimmy couldn't quite place it- maybe he did want to be best friends after all? But whatever the case, things were always a little tense between the rulers of the Cod Empire and Rivendell. And it seemed today was no exception.

He was in dire need of more materials, and the swamp wasn't very rich in caves. And Jimmy had already explored most of the caves in his empire. So while he couldn't entirely rationalize why, he decided to go on a trip to the mountains to gather materials. It was a stupid idea, going near the empire of someone who possibly hated him, but part of him hoped that he would see Scott. Maybe he could work out some sort of alliance instead of their squabbling and occasional attempts to kill each other. Besides, he wasn't going to the actual mountain Scott lived on, just the ones near his mountain. Surely that’d be far enough to not anger him, but close enough to suggest an amicable atmosphere? Right?

Wrong. Very, very wrong. Jimmy had barely gotten deep in a cave in the mountains when Scott appeared, like he had some sort of “Jimmy-being-an-idiot” sixth sense. The elf admittedly was an imposing sight- enchanted diamond armor, an enchanted diamond axe strapped to his back, arms crossed over his chest, a golden circlet with antlers branching up from it, and blue eyes glinting with irritation. Those eyes seemed to see right through Jimmy, scrutinizing and seeing him for who he truly was. Not the Codfather, a strong leader- but a swamp boy whose sweet intentions got him into trouble more often than not.

“What are you doing here?” Scott asked, voice cold and unimpressed. Jimmy frowned at the elf’s tone.

“Mining,” Jimmy said simply, crossing his arms right back at Scott. He rolled his eyes in response.

“Obviously, but why are you doing so in my empire?” Scott asked pointedly.

“I’m not mining in your mountain though!” Jimmy protested, a little confused at Scott’s irritation. Scott let out a sound that was halfway between a sigh and a groan, closing his eyes and pinching the bridge of his nose as if he had a headache coming on.

“Jimmy. All the mountains around here are mine,” Scott said bluntly, dropping his hand to glare at Jimmy. Well now he felt a little sheepish. But still, he didn’t understand why Scott had to get all irritated about it, maybe they could work something out. Jimmy took on an easygoing smile, causing Scott to knit his brows in confusion.

“I know I shouldn’t have been here, and I didn’t realize this mountain was part of your empire. If you want the materials I gathered, I’m more than willing to-”

“Oh, sorry about that, buddy! Tell you what, I’ll give you-”

“I’m not your buddy,” Scott said, cutting Jimmy off and causing his easy smile to melt away near instantly. Jimmy sighed.

“I don’t want anything from you, I just want you to leave,” Scott said, interrupting Jimmy again, and honestly it was getting pretty hard for Jimmy to continue being amicable if Scott was going to be like this for the whole conversation.

“Fine! I was only trying to come to a peaceful resolution here, no need to be a jerk like always,” Jimmy huffed, slinging his pickaxe over his shoulder and starting to head out of the cave. Scott made an irritated sound, quickly following after him.

“Oh, I’m sorry for being mean when you’re the one who showed up in my empire unannounced and unwanted!” Scott fumed, hands gesturing wildly as he kept up with Jimmy’s brisk pace.

“Like I said, didn’t realize this was part of your empire. And I’m leaving now, so you can stop following me,” Jimmy huffed. Scott stopped to stare at him incredulously, and Jimmy paused as well to raise an eyebrow at him.

“This cave only has one exit, you idiot. We both have to go this way,” Scott pointed out with a scoff. Jimmy made a frustrated sound, and was about to make a retort- but heard a hiss and saw a green shape ambling towards them from an unlit portion of the cave. Jimmy didn’t have time to draw his sword, and Scott was too busy glaring at Jimmy to notice the creeper heading towards them. So in a split-second decision, Jimmy tackled Scott to the ground right before the creeper exploded and caused a chunk of the cave to crumble down right where the two of them had been standing. Debris showered over the two of them, and Jimmy instinctively shielded Scott from it, even though he had been shouting at the elf mere moments prior. The dust settled, and it was then he realized how close he and Scott were, their noses practically touching.

“You alright?” Jimmy asked, surprising himself with how soft and concerned his voice came out. Scott looked at him with wide eyes and an almost flustered expression, until he schooled it down into smooth indifference.

“You’re supposed to take me to dinner before you pin me like that,” Scott teased with a smirk. Jimmy rolled his eyes, getting up off of Scott before offering a hand to help him up.

“I think you’re supposed to thank me for saving your life,” Jimmy shot back. Scott scowled at him, ignoring the offered hand and getting to his feet on his own, brushing the dirt off of his clothes.

“Thank you for what? Tackling me and giving me a near concussion? Or the fact that we’re now both stuck here?” Scott asked, gesturing at the cave-in. Following the direction of Scott’s hand, Jimmy looked to the cave opening. Or rather, the lack of a cave opening. The creeper explosion must have hit some loose gravel in the ceiling, because the weak rock had given way to a whole mess of stone to fall and block off their only exit.

“Maybe we could dig through it?” Jimmy wondered. Scott rolled his eyes.

“With your luck, that would only make it worse. Besides I didn’t bring a pickaxe, and I don’t think you could dig that out by yourself. We’re just gonna have to turn around and hope there’s another way out,” Scott said, turning and heading deeper in the cave. Jimmy scrambled after him in protest.

“Or we could stay here and call for help! I’m sure one of my allies would be willing to help me, or maybe you’ve got a closer ally who’d be willing to dig us out-”

“No. We’re better off trying to find our own way out. Besides, I don’t have allies- having alliances means having enemies too, and I’d much rather stay above the conflict if you don’t mind,” Scott said, stubbornly continuing forward. Jimmy groaned, reluctantly following after Scott.

“Fine, have it your way. But you let me know when you change your mind,” Jimmy said, not having the energy to argue with Scott’s weird animosity towards alliances. So instead, he followed his not-really-enemy but not-really-friend either deeper into the darkness, torchlight their only savior.

-

Going deeper into the cave was not providing them with a way out. They did, however, come across a mineshaft- which was a small but still not great shimmering light of hope. It was possible the mineshaft could be connected to another cave that could lead them out, so braving the mineshaft it was. Besides, there could be good loot to be had- even if Scott claimed most of it since it was, technically, part of his empire. And that was fine with Jimmy, he was trying to offer what he had found to Scott earlier anway. However, there was one problem with mineshafts, and that was the tendency of cave spiders making their nests in them. And it figures with Jimmy’s rotten luck that they would come across one of those nests. And even worse, Jimmy managed to get a hand caught in one of the webs at the edge of it.

“Stop struggling, you’re just gonna alert them that we’re here!” Scott hissed, trying to cut away at the cobwebs ensnaring Jimmy’s hand.

“If you cut at it any slower, they’re just gonna see us anyway!” Jimmy whisper-shouted back, but kept his hand still as Scott asked anyhow. But of course, as if things couldn’t get any worse, one of the cave spiders had noticed them. It jumped at Jimmy, but Scott moved in front of him just in time to intercept it instead, and struggled only for a moment before he managed to kill it. Scott was hunched over for a moment, trying to catch his breath- and despite his warnings not to, Jimmy yanked his hand free from the cobwebs to rush to his side, seeing the glittering red eyes in the distance. He opened his mouth to ask if Scott was alright, but he abruptly stood upright and pushed Jimmy towards a corridor of the mineshaft that was not infested with cave spiders.

“Go, we gotta get out of here!” he cried, running and pulling Jimmy along with him. Jimmy didn’t argue, keeping pace with Scott and cutting down a few cave spiders that got too close. They ran and turned down corridor after corridor, until they were sure that the spiders had lost interest. They stopped for a moment to catch their breath, and Jimmy eyed Scott with concern. He was holding his shoulder and looked rather pale- well, paler than usual.

“Scott?” Jimmy asked, voice gentle. Scott squeezed his eyes shut, like Jimmy had spoken too loudly, and took a beat longer to respond than Jimmy would have liked.

“I’m fine,” Scott said, not very convincingly at all. Jimmy frowned, stepping forward and reaching for the hand Scott had clasped tightly over his own shoulder. Jimmy instantly knew something was wrong when Scott didn’t push him away and let him remove his hand. Scott’s hand came away slick with blood, and Jimmy hissed in sympathy at the sickly green state of the wound. Cave spider bite, right in the gap of Scott’s armor. And it seemed the venom was working pretty fast through his system. Suddenly, as if taking his hand off of his shoulder had sapped all his energy, Scott’s knees gave out and he collapsed into Jimmy. With a startled gasp, Jimmy managed to catch Scott, wrapping his free arm around his waist and trying to keep him somewhat upright. His hand still clutched Scott’s, and his hand had shifted to clutch Jimmy’s back just as tightly. His head drooped down to rest on Jimmy’s shoulder, the antlers of his circlet poking him slightly, and a cold spike of fear shot through Jimmy at how feverish Scott’s forehead felt against his neck. Scott had only just been bitten. If he was in such bad shape already… Jimmy didn’t want to think about it.

“You’re hot,” Jimmy blurted, a little horrified. Scott let out a borderline delirious chuckle.

“Took you long enough to notice,” Scott teased, voice weak with pain. Jimmy let out a startled laugh.

“Scott, quit flirting for one minute, you’re dying,” Jimmy reprimanded, a little shocked at how wobbly his own voice sounded.

“I’ll just respawn, it’s not the end of the world. Nice to know you care though,” Scott said tiredly, although Jimmy could hear the slight smile in his voice. Jimmy froze a bit at his words. Yeah… that was right, Scott would just respawn. He’d lose his stuff and his enchantment levels, but he’d wake up in bed, right as rain. So why was Jimmy so worried for a moment? Why did Scott dying in his arms suddenly feel like the end of the world? And most baffling of all, why did the thought of losing someone who was at most an acquaintance rattle him so much? Yet here he was, clinging to Scott like he would disappear forever.

“I… of course I care! You’re the one who’s pushing me away, not the other way around,” Jimmy said, deciding not to address the fact that he had somehow forgotten about respawning being a thing. Scott laughed humorlessly, and him not having any sort of witty response was extremely telling of how worse off Scott was doing. He had been leaning into Jimmy more and more throughout the weak banter, and Jimmy finally knelt down and shifted Scott to be comfortably resting in his lap, his head still leaning on his shoulder, but turned so that Jimmy could see him.

“Your face makes for a pretty last thing to see before I die,” Scott said softly, and Jimmy blinked in surprise, unsure of how to take that.

“Didn’t realize a side effect of cave spider venom was delirium,” Jimmy settled on, causing Scott to let out a pained wheeze of a laugh.

“Think the side effect is actually brutal honesty,” Scott said, sounding a little wistful. Okay, well Jimmy really didn’t know how to respond to that. Scott, dying in his arms and looking at him all soft and adoring like Jimmy was a- a lover or something. So maybe it was that gentle look in Scott’s eyes even as he was dying, or Jimmy not wanting to deal with the blood of a fellow ruler on his hands, or just not wanting to watch someone die in general that caused him to shift and reach for something in his bag he had found in their journey through the mineshaft. He held out a golden apple to Scott, who looked at it with confusion.

“Nabbed it from a chest when you weren’t looking. I know you’ll just respawn, but cave spider venom is a pretty terrible way to go,” Jimmy said, smiling softly. Scott just blinked, not moving to take the apple.

“Jimmy-”

“Shut up and take the apple, Scott,” Jimmy insisted, for once cutting Scott off instead of the other way around. Scott sighed, and with a shaking hand, he grabbed the apple and took a bite. Almost immediately, color came back to Scott’s face and the green started to recede from the shoulder wound. A few more bites, and the bleeding stopped, the wound started closing up, and Scott was no longer leaning on Jimmy so heavily. He did, however, seem perfectly content to stay in Jimmy’s arms. Jimmy couldn’t really find it in himself to detach himself from Scott either.

“Thanks,” Scott said softly, like he was afraid to say it, after he had finished the apple. Jimmy chuckled.

“I should be thanking you, you’re the one who threw yourself between me and that cave spider,” Jimmy said, immensely glad that he remembered finding the golden apple before it was too late. Otherwise Scott, who usually didn’t seem to like him, would have died because of Jimmy.

“You saved me from the creeper earlier, I was just repaying the favor. Of course now I owe you again, because you healed me,” Scott said with a mock irritated tone, grinning all the while. Jimmy unceremoniously dumped him on the cave floor for that, ignoring his startled shout of protest to instead stand up.

“Well, maybe you could repay me by finally letting me contact one of my allies to help us,” Jimmy replied with a grin of his own. Scott pouted a little, still grumpy about being forcibly moved off of Jimmy’s lap.

“That was rude, I’m still recovering! Jerk,” Scott huffed, but there was no true anger in his tone. Jimmy shook his head fondly, offering a hand to Scott. He took it, and only stumbled a little bit as he got back to his feet. Fortunately Jimmy was there to steady him, ignoring the “I-told-you-so” look Scott gave him.

“You’ll live, thanks to me. Now can I message for help so that we can get out of here?” Jimmy asked. Scott let out a dramatic sigh.

“I guess so. Give them the coordinates for the cave entrance, we can head back in that direction and meet them halfway,” Scott said. Jimmy nodded, getting out his communicator to send a message to Joel.

“Yeah, I don’t wanna stay in this mineshaft any longer than we have to,” Jimmy said as he typed. Scott hovered over his shoulder, correcting Jimmy on the coordinate numbers before he sent the message off to Joel. Luckily, Joel wasn’t busy and responded fairly quickly, saying that he was on his way.

“Ready to get out of here?” Scott asked, once Jimmy had read Joel’s message to him.

“Absolutely,” Jimmy said, pocketing his communicator and walking side by side with Scott.

-

They reached the cave-in before Joel had arrived, but they didn’t have to wait too long before they heard Joel calling out for them. It seemed Lizzie had come along as well, as Jimmy could hear her voice along with Joel’s. He was a little surprised to hear her, as Jimmy wasn’t officially allied with Lizzie, but he supposed it made sense. Lizzie was married to Joel, and Lizzie’s empire was connected to Jimmy’s by water.

“We’re here!” Jimmy called back.

“Oh good, you didn’t kill each other,” Joel called back, a smile in his voice. Jimmy rolled his eyes, even if Joel couldn’t see him.

“I’ll have you know I saved Scott twice in these caves,” Jimmy shot back with a grin. Scott groaned in annoyance.

“You’re gonna hold this over my head, aren’t you,” Scott grumbled.

“Only a little bit,” Jimmy replied, relieved when Scott wasn’t actually all that annoyed, due to the chuckle he got in response.

“Stand back boys, I’ve got TNT!” Lizzie exclaimed, breaking the moment of banter. Scott and Jimmy exchanged wide-eyed glances, scrambling away from the rubble.

“Uh… you do know that explosions are what got us into this mess in the first place, right?” Scott asked nervously.

“It’ll be faster than trying to dig you out,” Joel replied, before the click of a flint and steel was heard.

“Does it alarm you at all that they have TNT already?” Scott whispered.

“They’re my allies. Or at least Joel is. Not sure why Lizzie came along, actually,” Jimmy replied with a shrug. Before Scott could reply, the TNT went off, destroying the rubble and revealing Joel and Lizzie on the other side.

“When I heard Joel was off to rescue the sweet swamp boy, I had to come along!” Lizzie said with a grin, poking her head through the hole in the rubble. Jimmy’s face flushed in embarrassment at the nickname, while Scott was poorly hiding his laugh behind a cough.

“She was with me when I got your message, I figured the extra help couldn’t hurt,” Joel explained.

“Well thank you, both of you. We really appreciate it,” Jimmy said, climbing out of the hole in the rubble with Lizzie’s help.

“You’re welcome! Although it sounds like you had the rescuing Scott part handled,” she teased with a wink.

“Hey! The only reason he saved me the second time was because I got bit by a cave spider that was coming for him. So I did some saving too,” Scott protested as he followed Jimmy out. Joel looked to Scott with concern.

“Do you need any health potions? I brought some just in case,” Joel offered, starting to dig through his pack.

“Nah, Jimmy gave me a golden apple that he stole from me,” Scott said, nudging Jimmy playfully. Jimmy laughed, pushing at him back.

“I didn’t steal it, I just took it from a minecart chest before you noticed it,” Jimmy retorted.

“A minecart chest that was in my empire,” Scott shot back with a grin. Jimmy was going to snap back, but Lizzie came to stand in between them.

“How about we leave before any more near death situations happen,” she suggested. Both Jimmy and Scott smiled sheepishly, before following Lizzie and Joel out of the cave.

-

The four of them had made it back to Scott’s home, with plenty of daylight to spare for the long journey Jimmy, Lizzie, and Joel had ahead of them to their own empires. Jimmy had told Joel and Lizzie to go on, saying that he would catch up with them in a bit. He wanted to talk to Scott first. About what, he wasn’t entirely certain, but he felt like he couldn’t just up and leave right away without saying something, not after everything that had happened. But for the moment, the two of them were stood in the entryway of Scott’s house a little awkwardly. Scott’s home was bigger than the last time Jimmy had seen it, but part of him was touched to see that he still had the pufferfish- rather the pufferish- mounted above his door. Jimmy wasn’t exactly sure why he had given Scott a misspelled token of peace, but it had just felt… right.

“So… have you changed your mind on alliances at all?” Jimmy asked, settling on teasing Scott a bit instead of tackling any sort of emotional conversation right away. Scott let out a mildly bitter laugh.

“I… will admit that there are advantages to having alliances. And you, Lizzie, and Joel seem alright. I just… well, if I’m being totally honest, I’m not really opposed to alliances… it’s just- it’s like there’s this part of me, maybe something from a past life, that knows that getting tangled up in alliances can lead to war and loss,” Scott said, heartbreak lacing his words. Jimmy frowned in sympathy. He didn’t know what Scott had been through before starting an empire, but it sounded like it was nothing fun. He put a comforting hand on Scott’s shoulder- and was instantly greeted with a flurry of images both familiar and unfamiliar. A flower forest. Homes carved into hills. Decaying skin and burnt banners. Flowers nestled in teal hair. Being helpless to watch as a loved one- a husband?- was shot down. Darkness, then light again. Then a feeling of home, and a joyful reunion.

Jimmy jerked back from Scott like had been burned. The real world filtered back into view with Scott wide-eyed and surprised as Jimmy was. What- what was that? They felt like memories, or maybe a dream. And the person with teal hair, the husband?! That was undeniably Scott, just far less regal and with rounded ears, not pointed ones. Jimmy wasn’t sure what that was, but suddenly the fear of losing Scott in the mineshaft made a startling amount of sense.

“Did you… see that?” Jimmy asked. Maybe he was hallucinating, did he get bit by a cave spider too? Maybe this was all some weird fever dream.

“I- yeah. I was kind of kidding about the past life thing… but was that even us? Or just… I dunno, a version of us from an alternate reality?” Scott pondered, looking like his brain was going a mile a minute. Jimmy found himself looking at the pufferish of peace. Was that something significant in that… other life? Or was that truly something of his own volition?

“Must be some sort of alternate reality, I think we were married,” Jimmy said with a laugh. Scott laughed as well, shaking his head.

“Yeah, can you imagine? Why would I marry some swamp boy?” Scott teased.

“And why would I marry a stuffy elf ruler?” Jimmy teased right back. The two of them laughed, but there was regret and maybe a smidge of longing tinged in both of their voices.

“I think I could at least stand being allied with some swamp boy,” Scott said softly, after a moment of silence. Jimmy smiled.

“Allies it is then,” Jimmy said, holding out his hand. Scott gingerly took it, and when there weren't any flashes of alternate or past lives, he shook it firmly.

“Allies,” Scott said, squeezing Jimmy’s hand before letting go. Jimmy bid him goodbye, exiting his home to meet up with Lizzie and Joel. And maybe, just maybe, Jimmy allowed himself to treasure the little flutter his heart made when Scott had squeezed his hand. He was sure his past- or alternate, who knows- self would appreciate it.

-

MCYT Tag List (ask to be added/removed!): @corazon10000 @damiensaidno @franticfandomfanatic @hetapeep41 @space-ace123

[myearts-uwu]

Bakery AU!

Pairing: Claude x Felix

Featured characters: Claude, Athanasia, Felix, Lily (at the very end of it)

Genre: Fluff. Just... it’s pure fluff in here.

This was supposed to be a single one-shot but I somehow decided to turn it into a short fic that has... two or three parts?

It’s just an adorable AU!

"York's Bakery...," Claude read out the sign displayed above the front door of the cozy-looking bakery. He hummed in disinterest. He was not exactly a huge fan of going out to buy bread or random pastries at a random bakery, let alone a bakery that had been opened for less than three months.

However, since his daughter was the one who asked if they could visit this new bakery together one day during the weekend, he had no choice but to say yes to her favour. It warmed his cold heart when her eyes lit up before smiling at him after he said that.

Why must he be such a softie for his daughter?

"Waa..."

Upon hearing the shaky breath of awe, Claude looked down and noticed the seven-year-old girl staring at the bakery with awe. Her small and chubby hand was holding onto the pinky finger of his left hand loosely.

"You seem to be excited to come here, Athanasia," he commented nonchalantly with a stoic face. He was not the best at showing his true emotions. However, his daughter knew that he was being entertained by her. "I still don't know how you've heard about this bakery, though."

Athanasia just giggled. "Oh, I always see it every day when the driver drives me to school, papa!" she answered. Of course, he wouldn't know about that small fact considering that he had never personally driven her to school. As the CEO of Obelia's Enterprises, he had to go to his office early in the morning. "And since the driver has been to this bakery before, he told me that this bakery's pastries are to die for! Es... Especially the chocolate muffins!" she exclaimed.

"Hm, I see...," Claude mumbled before ruffling Athanasia's soft blonde hair. Compared to the colour of his hair which was a more golden colour, her's leaned more on the lighter side. "Well, let's see if what Mister Han said is true and the pastries here are indeed 'to die for'. Let's go, Athanasia. We don't want to keep standing here, do we?"

Athanasia nodded and skipped towards the front door, tugging her father by his hand. Some random passersby noticed the father-daughter duo and either smiled or chuckled at the adorable scene in front of them.

Claude was about to push the door open but his own daughter had beaten him to it. She had let go of the blond's hand for a few seconds just so she could both of her hands around the door handle. As soon as she pushed the front door open, there was the sound of a small bell ringing.

Ding!

"Welcome to York's Bakery!"

The person standing behind the counter greeted the two newcomers with enthusiasm. Claude stole a small glance at the worker and the only thing he took note of was the messy bright red hair. As well as that large grin on his face that could make anyone's heart melt.

Besides that? He didn't look all that interesting to him.

All he could give the man was a curt nod for he was not someone who enjoyed talking to people.

"Hello!" Unlike him, Athanasia was a total ball of sunshine. She smiled back at the worker and waved at him. The man just chuckled and waved back.

"Why, Hello there, young lady," the man behind the counter said. "How may I help you on this wonderful afternoon?"

Claude gave the man a warning glance and he immediately tensed up. A sign for him to not act so close around the little girl. Times like these made Claude grateful that he had a natural resting bitch face. After that, he acted as if nothing had happened and picked up a tray to put the baked goods he planned on getting on.

Besides the one worker available in the bakery, Claude noticed upon entering the building the strong aromatic scent of freshly baked bread. It tingled his nose slightly due to how heavenly the smell inside the bakery was.

"Uhh... I heard that the chocolate muffins here are to die for! And I wanted to try one!" Athanasia told the man. She walked towards the front counter and pressed her face against the glass of the display case. "Whoa... you have a lot of delicious-looking desserts here."

"Hmm... they do cater a lot of baked goods here," Claude mumbled to himself as he picked out random bread he and his daughter would eat as light snacks. Sausage rolls, croissants, baguettes, buns, egg tarts, cookies... They were really selling a wide variety of baked goods. He grabbed the pair of tongs and started to do his own business.

The worker laughed at Athanasia's adorableness. "They're all freshly made, you know? Well, except for the cakes since we usually have them chilling in the refrigerator overnight." He looked around before winking at her. "But that's a secret between us, alright?" he said in a whisper.

'Someone seems to like that counter worker,' Claude thought when he heard his daughter laughing out loud. He stood in front of a tall basket made from rattan that had baguettes in it. 'Hmm... Athanasia would most definitely eat an entire long baguette as a snack in one sitting... I'm just going to get it for her.'

"You're funny, Mister!" Athanasia exclaimed while taking her hand out towards him. "My name is Athy and that grumpy man who's picking out the baked goods there is my papa!"

"... Grumpy?" Claude turned around and looked absolutely offended by how Athanasia introduced him to a random stranger. Him? Grumpy? Sure, he was not a huge fan of social interaction but that did not mean that he was entirely grumpy.

It only made him even more annoyed when the guy was laughing with her.

"Now, Miss Athy. It's rude to call your own father grumpy," he told her before gently holding her small hand to shake it. "My name is Felix, by the way. If you were wondering about my name, that is."

"Oh, I already knew what your name is," she said before pointing on the nametag that was pinned to the beige apron Felix wore.  "It's written on that nametag thingy."

"... Oh, I actually forgot that I had my nametag on me," Felix stated in slight embarrassment. He scratched the back of his head. "You have good eyes, Miss Athy."

"Athanasia."

The girl turned around to look at her father. "Yes, papa?"

"Have you picked out everything you want yet?" Claude asked while smirking. After placing the tongs in their original place, he put his free hand on his waist. "You don't want to return home without those muffins and cupcakes and cookies you were talking about before coming here now, do you?"

"Eh?! But papa, there's just so many things that I wanna try here!" Athanasia cried out. Her eyes darted around the baked goods inside the display case. "Ahh, I really wanna try those chocolate muffins... but the chocolate chip cookies look so good... Oh, but... but look at those macarons! And- And those chocolate bars with dried up fruits..."

Felix looked down at the indecisive girl and looked up at Claude. He laughed weakly. "I assume that your daughter has a strong liking to chocolate?" he asked.

"She's addicted actually," Claude answered before placing the tray on the front counter. He was going to have to pay for all these twice if Athanasia was still deciding on what she should get. "She actually had one of her teeth pulled out at the dentist last year because of a bad cavity. She kept denying that her tooth wasn't aching... but she always teared up whenever she ate anything."

Felix snorted while Athanasia looked at her father as if he had betrayed her. Which, in a way, he did.

"Papa, you promised you won't talk about that to anyone," Athanasia whined with a cute pout. She humphed. "I'm not going to talk to papa anymore!"

"Is that so?" With a calm expression on his face, Claude pulled out his wallet. "Well, good luck paying for all those desserts, then."

"Papa!" she whined again, earning more laughter from the man behind the counter.

He may not look it, but Claude knew how to be humourous... occasionally.

"M-My, you two are quite a hilarious duo," Felix commented while wiping away a tear from laughing too much. He went to the cash register to collect the blond's payment. The girl would eventually tell them what she wanted soon enough.

Claude looked around the bakery while Felix placed the baked goods he paid for into a large paper bag. "Are you the only one working here?" he asked, trying to make some light conversation even though he was not the best when it came to starting one.

"Oh, heaven's no. I'm way too inexperienced to be left working at a bakery all alone," Felix answered with a smile. "There are more people working here, believe it or not. The owner of the bakery, Lilian, is usually working behind the scenes in the kitchen. The same goes for the other ladies working here. Since I'm not that good at baking anything, I'm in charge of the front counter. Greeting customers, making sure everyone is content with the bakery's atmosphere, making sure no one steals anything from here... the usual stuff."

Felix was indeed a talker.

"... Uh-huh," was Claude's awkward response.

"Mister Felix! Mister Felix!" Athanasia called out.

Felix and Claude looked at the little girl. "Hm? Found something you like, Miss Athy?"

"... Can I get a chocolate muffin and those chocolate chip cookies? They look really tasty?"

"Of course. Oh, one moment, Sir."

"Take your time."

Claude looked at Felix who knelt down to grab a muffin as well as scooping out the cookies before putting them in separate smaller paper bags. When Athanasia approached him, he petted her head. "I thought you'd buy the whole bakery because of how indecisive you are when it comes to food."

"But papa, if I do that, then what will they sell afterwards? I don't wanna ruin their business!" Athanasia grinned innocently.

"... Well, isn't that nice of you?" Claude responded sarcastically.

Felix couldn't help but chuckle at them. "Here're your cookies and muffin, Miss," he said as he leaned forward to give the small bags to the girl after calculating the whole price of everything with the cash register.

"Yay!" Athanasia snatched the paper bags from Felix's hand. She immediately opened the bag with the cookies and pulled one out before munching on it.

Claude sighed. "Athanasia, can't you just wait for a few more minutes?" he asked her sternly. "At least eat the cookies once I'm done paying for everything."

"But... But papa. These cookies are amazing!" Her jewel blue eyes sparkled. There were a few cookie crumbs on her lips and her chubby cheeks were puffed out after eating more of the tasty snack.

Claude's shoulders dropped. "Athanasia... You're dirtying the floor with those cookie crumbs."

Felix had to stifle his own laughter. "That's okay, Sir. I can clean that up afterwards. Besides, your daughter here is obviously enjoying those cookies immensely, right Miss Athy?"

"Mhm!" Athanasia nodded her head, mouth still full with cookies inside.

Well, it was painfully clear to Claude that this worker was already smitten with his daughter... Which he couldn't really blame him for that. Even he had to admit that his daughter was a complete natural at manipulating people with her cute looks and personality.

Claude sighed and was preparing to pull out his money. "How much does everything cost... Felix?"

"That will be... exactly 13000 won."

Claude widened his eyes slightly. "... That's a pretty low price for this much we're getting," he muttered. "Especially for how high-quality everything looks."

Felix thought he had misheard something. "Low price? I... don't mean to be rude but that is a pretty high price. Not to mention that you're buying this many baked goods at once..."

"Papa could have bought everything inside this bakery if he wants to!" Athanasia chimed in. "Because papa is a big boss at a big company! A CEO!"

... Claude had to make a mental note for himself to remind him to teach Athanasia that she should not give out random personal information about either of them to strangers once they return home.

He was expecting Felix to pry more information about him being a CEO out of either him or Athanasia.

But instead, he just acted as if he didn't hear anything.

"Well, even if your father is a CEO of a large company, if he's able to sell out the entire bakery, I'm sure my boss would pass out from shock," Felix joked before pushing the large paper bag with everything Claude bought inside. "Funny story, she actually did end up passing up from shock after we were given our first ever large cake order for a wealthy child's birthday party."

"Well, I sincerely hope she won't end up passing out if more people end up ordering cakes and other pastries from this bakery," Claude responded. "She might have to go to a hospital if that happens a lot."

... Was that supposed to be a joke or something?

Claude cleared his throat from how awkward he suddenly felt and looked down at his wallet to pull out the exact amount of money he needed to pay for everything. "I'm... not that good when it comes to making jokes," he admitted.

"... Oh, that was a joke?" Felix asked.

Athanasia shook her head in disapproval. "Papa, you're terrible at making jokes. This is why people either think you're a serious grumpy man or a socially awkward man."

'When and where did she learn to be so sassy to her own father?' Claude wondered, trying to act calm.

"... Here's the money." He tried to ignore the quiet stare from Athanasia and gave the money to Felix. When he looked at him did he realise that this was the first time they made proper eye contact with each other.

For the first time since coming here, Jewel blue eyes met up with warm grey ones face to face.

Felix froze up all of a sudden, confusing Claude. He tilted his head. "Felix, are you alright?"

A few seconds later, Felix blinked multiple times before realising that he was still at work. There was a faint blush on his face and he smiled nervously. "A-Ah! My apologies," he apologised as he accepted the money. "I was... genuinely stunned at your eyes. I'm sorry if that sounds weird."

Ah, his eyes. It was considered a rare condition and the only people who had it were people in his family. The jewel blue eyes were always associated with the people within the Obelia family. His ancestors, his father, his older brother, his niece, his daughter...

Basically, they all had jewel blue eyes. The reason why? No one had any idea.

"It's alright," Claude reassured Felix. "I'm used to people being surprised by my eye colour."

"Oh, I see... Well...," Felix's words trailed off before putting the money inside the cash register. He then gave him the receipt with a warm smile. "Well, I just thought that your eyes remind me of sapphires somehow. It's nice."

"... Okay then?"

Well, this was a bit awkward.

"Papa, papa!"

"Hm?" After noticing the hem of his shirt being tugged down, Claude looked down and saw his daughter holding out a singular chocolate cookie in front of him. "... Athanasia, you know that I don't like desserts."

"But you might like it! You never know if you hate it unless you try it, papa," Athanasia told him in an as-a-matter-of-fact voice. That sort of statement sounded really weird when it's coming from a seven-year-old child. "The cookies are so delicious! Please, papa? Just one..."

Claude stared at her blankly before looking at Felix who shrugged his shoulders.

'... At least be glad that there are no customers inside other than us,' he thought begrudgingly before going down on one knee so he could be at the same eye level as Athanasia. He opened his mouth and his daughter happily fed him the single cookie. He then stood up and slowly munched on the sickeningly sweet and crunchy snack.

...

...

...

"It tastes... alright, I guess," Claude mumbled, his voice slightly muffled by the cookie in his mouth.

"See? What did I tell you? I knew you'd like it!" Athanasia said proudly with her arms folded across her chest.

Felix smiled at the girl's energetic demeanour. It seemed to Claude that he was wondering how such a small ball of energy came from someone who looked like he'd rather stay at home all day.

"Your relationship with your daughter is adorable, sir," Felix commented.

"It's Claude."

"Pardon?"

"My name. What? Since you did give my daughter your name and my daughter gave hers to you, might as well join in to not feel so left out, right?"

"O-Oh... Mister Claude?" Felix tried to say his name.

"Just drop the 'Mister'. Judging by your appearance, I wouldn't be surprised if we're around the same age," Claude told him.

"... As you wish... Claude... Ah, I'm sorry but it does feel a bit embarrassing for me to call you so casually like that when this is our first time meeting, haha!"

'... Hm. That's weird," Claude thought while he silently stared at the red-haired man who was running his fingers through his hair. For a moment he thought his heart skipped a beat. It was most likely his own mind playing tricks on him.

"If that's the case, then feel free to add in 'Sir' before saying my name," Claude said casually. He looked at his wristwatch and knew that it was time for him and Athanasia to leave this bakery. Annoyingly for him, his older brother Anastacius and his daughter Jennette were coming over soon in the evening and he had to... mentally prepare himself in order to deal with his brother.

"Well, Felix. We'll be taking our leave for today," he said before calling out Athanasia who was looking at the desserts in the display case. "Athanasia, it's time to go. Remember, your cousin is coming over."

"Okay!" Athanasia exclaimed before rushing towards him. She almost tripped but fortunately, she managed to grab Claude's shirt in time to prevent herself from falling. Giggling, she turned around and waved at Felix. "Goodbye, Mister Felix! It was nice talking to you!"

"Bye-bye, Miss Athy." Felix waved back.

Claude pulled the front door open and was about to leave the bakery but he stopped in his tracks when he heard Felix calling him.

"Sir Claude?"

"Hm?"

Claude turned his head around and looked at Felix with a surprised expression when he smiled warmly at him. A smile that would make anyone feel comforted just by looking at it.

"I hope you have a wonderful day. And please come again!" Felix said. It was something he'd say to every single customer who'd leave the bakery.

But there was something about the way he said that made it sound like he was actually looking forward to seeing Claude again.

And for some reason, Claude felt a bit... flattered by that.

"... Of course," was all he could say before leaving the bakery with his daughter. After the door closed behind them, the father-daughter made their way to his Mercedes-Benz.

The trip to the car was quiet. Athanasia was happily munching on her chocolate muffin while Claude was deep in thought about something.

"... I suppose we can make time to visit the bakery from time to time every Saturday...," Claude mumbled, still deep in thought. 'That Felix guy is quite an amusing fellow to be around.'

"Eh?!" Athanasia looked up at her father in complete shock.

That was obviously wonderful news for the girl because she really loved the snacks there.

***

Ten minutes had passed since Claude and Athanasia left the building.

"I heard a lot of laughter coming from here," Lily said as she came out of the kitchen to check up on her employee and close friend. Felix was busy sweeping the floor with a broom to get rid of the cookie crumbs on the floor. The brunette smiled and placed her hands on her hips. "You're whistling. Did something good happen to you just now?"

Felix slowly turned his head around to look at Lily. There was a goofy smile present on his handsome face. "If you consider a pretty man coming in here with his cute daughter and he's like... really pretty that you can't stop staring at him as a good thing? Then yes, something good did happen."

"... Ah, so you're in love with a customer. That's a first."

Felix chuckled to himself. "Ahh... I really do hope that they come here more often soon."

[hetalia-has-a-secretary]

Allies plus Germany, Romano, and Italy when their half naked s/o comes up to sit on their lap and run their hands all over them and then says “babe, I’ve been craving (insert boyfriend’s country cuisine) all day. Please cook for me, I’m starving.”

:O

>:O

>:)

On a side note, I'm labeling this as a handsypandsy tag (my nsfw tag) because it suggests nudity.

:V so yeah- enjoy!

Allies + Germany, Romano, and Italy: Their S/O asks for food. Half nude!?

Allies:

America:

The blush on his face was a little too evident. Let alone the amazed look adorning his features as well

He didn't bother trying to hide what direction his eyes were looking either.

All he was able to do was give a nod, and make those baby back ribs his S/O asked for.

Nothing could cover the amount of shaking his hands did, and he certainly was hoping there was something else in this for him too.. (wink, nudge)

England:

Hopefully his S/O didn't pull this stunt while he was drinking hot tea.

He had choked on his own saliva when they say on his lap.

It freaks everyone out, but this was the only time his scones came out edible.

He was probably more interested in everything but improvising his recipes.

France:

This is certainly one way to get whatever they want.

He saw them out of the corner of his eye, so good luck sitting... "Comfortably" on his lap.

Has no problem showing off while he cooks

Is going to ask if he can help "sample desserts" after the meal.

China:

He's going to try and act as mature as possible.

Telling them stuff like "This is a bit much of a display for food..."

Don't stop. Lay on the pouty voice as thick as possible and they will physically see him melt and give in.

His S/O is going to be set in his arms the whole time he cooks

He is going to be leaving red kiss marks on their shoulders after this...

Russia:

Is particularly embarrassed, and overly excited.

He promised to cook for them if he's allowed to have what he wants first.

His S/O needs to prepare themselves for a nice long hour.

Then he will do and or cook anything they want. After all, that performance in bed will only make them both hungry.

They should know better than to tease him like that!

Others:

Germany:

He tries to keep his cool.

Will look but won't force anything other than what they want for food.

Ask for sausage and they will see his mental face palm, and hear him go "Of course..."

Only after they ate will he try anything.

He worked hard on that meal and deserves something in return? How about a simple kiss?

Romano:

Freezes for a couple seconds

Immediately starts asking why they're trying to lead him on if all they want is food

Grouchy cook time, but the food was the best darn thing he's made.

If he doesn't get a "reward" for cooking, expect him to force a shirt/pants on them.

Italy:

Partially naked lover? Food is also involved? HECK YEAH!

Very excited to see them half naked, and getting to cook is just the added bonus.

This is literally his two favorite things on the world. The third favorite is the chance to make his S/O happy.

Will be giving them plenty of kisses.

His S/O might have to take the reins of the situation if they want anything else from him.

Fully unaware that they just played into his devious little plan!

[laequiem]

Cheek to Cheek in Hell - Chapter 5

Fandom: The Folk of the Air

Pairing: Jude Duarte/Cardan Greenbriar

Rating: explicit

Word count: 1,508

Cardan is an idiot. That is the only explanation for this clownery.

fanfiction masterlist • ao3

Chapter 4 • next chapter • Cheek to Cheek masterpost

Chapter 5. no man's land

Jude POV

Cardan is an idiot.

That is the only explanation for this clownery.

Surely, he knows I have seen him high before. He is always intoxicated, I fail to see how this is any different. Yet, he let himself be poisoned slowly, simply because he did not want me to see him consume.

Idiot. Idiot.

I repeat it to myself as I hear the telltale sound of him inhaling the powder.

Idiot. Idiot. Idiot.

I look towards the man he has put to sleep. If he hadn’t been so stupid, we would be rid of him. I hate seeing one of the folk using glamour on unexpecting mortals, but we can’t have this man wake up here. Cardan should have sent him to get lost in an imaginary maze and told him to forget everything.

Instead, we’re stuck with a sleeping man who knows he has been put to sleep by some pale teenager after crossing a brick wall straight to no man’s land.

I sigh. Should we throw him out of the alley, put the glamour back up and hope he forgets?

Bribe him? We certainly don’t have the money for this.

Threaten him? Would I kill someone to keep my freedom? No. I have done horrible things, but I would not kill someone again unless they deserved it.

The person who deserves it the most stirs behind me. Cardan hobbles towards the sleeping man, kneels and starts emptying the man’s pockets. I rush to his side.

“What are you doing?” I ask, appalled.

“We need money, don’t we?” he replies matter-of-factly, not even looking at me.

I cross my arms. “We can’t just steal from him.”

He turns to me now, lifting a perfect brow. “Oh, so now you’re a preacher of virtue?”

My lip pulls back in a snarl, and he snorts. He takes out a thick leather wallet from the man’s pockets—thick with bills. Cardan gets back up and hands it to me.

“He followed you here, Jude,” he tells me as I grab it. “I doubt his intentions were good.”

“What do you know about good intentions?” I bite back and he rolls his eyes. I nod towards the pizza box, “Now that you’re well enough to be a jerk, eat.”

Cardan walks back to his little corner behind the dumpster as I open the wallet. I stare at the thick stack of green bills, my heart thumping wildly in my chest.

Don’t get your hopes up, I tell myself, maybe they’re all one dollar bills.

Except they’re clearly not.

“What is that?” Cardan asks, and I turn to him.

He is staring at the open pizza box, his head inclined to the side as he inspects the contents.

“Pizza,” I reply. “Just eat.”

I take out the bills and start counting.

This man has a few hundred dollar bills. I have never seen those in my entire life.

1500$.

I cannot stop the smile that forms on my face as I turn back to Cardan.

And when I see what he has done to the pizza, I laugh and he looks up from his work.

“What?” he asks, and I just laugh harder.

Tears prick at my eyes. It’s the kind of hysterical laugh that only comes from your life being completely absurd. From finding the money you need to rent a place, then seeing the boy you hate remove all the pepperoni from a pizza and stack them like a reconstituted sausage. Cardan takes a bite out of the thing.

I start to calm down as he finishes up his strange pepperoni mille-feuille.

“There’s over a thousand in there,” I tell him between long breaths.

“I assume that’s good?”

I grab the newspaper I had before I went out to the get the pizza, flipping through it to find the apartments, “It’s enough to rent a place.”

I spend hours looking through the papers, tearing out the ads of places we can afford. At one point, the man stirs and Cardan goes up to him. As if it were second nature, he orders him to leave and forget he ever saw our faces. The man, in a daze, follows his orders and leaves the alley, straight through the illusionary brick wall.

Cardan sits in his corner most of the day, sometimes staring at me, sometimes tearing small chunks of pizza to eat. I find it too endearing to show him how to eat it properly.

When the sun is at its highest, I rehearse the speech I will give the landlords on the phone.

“Hello, my friend and I would be interested in visiting the place you are renting.”

The words feel so strange. They should feel mundane to my human tongue, but they are words I never thought I would utter. Not when I thought I would spend the rest of my days in Elfhame, fighting for my right to be there.

I do not know how to define my relationship to Cardan. I try so many different options, and I can’t bear to look at him as I say the things that can only be labelled as lies.

My roommate. My boyfriend. My husband. My… partner? They’re all lies, all wrong.

My worst enemy is not something a landlord would want to hear.

When I finally make the first call, I don’t mention Cardan.

“Hi, I saw your ad and I wanted to know if the apartment is still available.”

By the time the sun comes down, I have a good schedule of places to visit in the Bronx tomorrow.

When I am done, I join Cardan by his dumpster to finally eat some of the cold pizza.

Cardan reaches for a piece after I do, his dark eyes watching my every movement intently. He copies the way I eat it, holding the crust and supporting the underside of the slice as I bite into it.

It’s still delicious, even cold and pepperoni-less. Unconsciously, I let out a small content sigh.

“What is your favorite mortal food?” Cardan asks, breaking the thick silence.

I purse my lips as I think. Pizza is really high up there. Otherwise… There are very few things I remember from my time in the Mortal Realm. Except for one that never left me.

“My mom used to make these pastries,” I say, nostalgic, “pastéis de nata. They’re little tarts filled with egg custard. I haven’t had them since…” I trail off. Since she was murdered. “I’d like to try them again, see if they’re as good as I remember them.”

“Perhaps we can find a place here that makes them,” he offers.

I don’t know why, but the proposition makes me smile. “Perhaps,” I repeat after him.

When I reach for the last piece, I notice Cardan was also reaching for it, but he pulled back before grabbing it.

We don’t do much for the rest of the night. We don’t talk either. We just sit in silence, the thrum of the bustling city a constant melody outside our dirty alleyway.

After relieving myself behind a dumpster and making a mental note to buy tampons tomorrow, I make my way to my makeshift bed.

I climb over the dumpster Cardan sleeps behind, then swing myself over the railing of the lowest landing of the emergency stairs. The corner I have been sleeping in for the last week is nothing fancy. Flat cardboard lines the cold metal and I have stuffed my dirty clothes in a garbage bag to use as a pillow. No blanket, since I only found one and Cardan needed it more than me.

I lay down on my cardboard and try to tune out the sounds of the city. Faraway, an ambulance blares its song. Cars honk, streetlights buzz, people talk and yell and cheer and—

The landing shakes as silent feet land next to me.

I turn on my back and open my eyes, only to be met with Cardan’s tall, dark form standing over me like Death incarnate.

“What are you—” I start asking, a little panicked until I see the blanket in his hands. I frown. “Keep it. I’m fine.”

Cardan rolls his eyes, then swings the blanket over me.

“You’re cold,” he says. A corner of the blanket lifts and he slips under it too, “and I have been told I am burning.”

I had not noticed how much I was shivering until his warm arm snakes around my waist and he shifts closer to me. The other one slides under the garbage bag I use as a pillow.

His hips are flush against my backside, sharp hipbones digging into my cheeks. He tangles one of his legs around mine.

“This is just for warmth,” he whispers to himself.

I breathe deeply.

“You are very warm,” I confirm.

“Does it make up for the burden of bringing me along?” he asks me, and I feel him smile against my hair.

“Just an idiot,” I say softly as I drift away to sleep, “not a burden.”

-----

tag list: @slightlyrebelliouswriter23 @thefolkofthefic @figonas @kingandfireheart @godgavemelou @lizziebxnnet @hazelsheartsworn @jurdannet

[canyouhearthelight]

The Miys, Ch. 139

Day Two of the Food Festival!  This one has a specific request from @baelpenrose, which was fun to play with in the Low-Stim session (always on day 2).

To everyone who has reached out to tell me how much they are enjoying getting to see Sophia actually relax and just have fun for once.... Y’all are the best! It’s been fun writing it, too. 

New reader shout outs go to @corvallis, @penguin--person, @amphibiousuprising, @chip5-0, and I think @lostsoul8822. I think that’s everyone... If I missed you, please DM me, and I’ll add you to the next chapter.

On with the show!

The first day of the Festival, Conor and I ended up staying through not only Maverick’s shift but the one after, just so we could drag him to our favorite spots. Day two, however, Conor was on deck as Support Personnel as well as Maverick, and neither were assigned to me - for the first half of day two, we were in the Low Stim Mode, so I was pretty sure I could brave it on my own with everyone else’s proximity alerts and my own personal hyper-alertness preventing accidental bumps.

For me, the most exciting part was the different foods offered, and the fact that I could focus on just the food. Not having to ignore the other stimuli was a completely relaxing experience. The visual of the mural, with everything present, was still completely different in the even, indirect lighting. The dual nature of it was toned down significantly, leading to the overall feel being softer and overall more pleasant without being distracting.

Halfway through a very good pad thai, I spotted Derek and Sam sitting with Ivan and poking at something that Sam was clearly excited about and Derek was equally doubtful of. I circled around so they could see me approaching, and made a point to wave. “What do you think?” I asked, trying to sign as I spoke but hampered by the food in my hands.

“It was a good try,” Derek confessed, cheeks stuffed with something that had previously been on a plate to his left as a backup plan.

Setting my food down, I grinned mischievously. “Doing my best,” I signed, leading to laughter on all sides.

“You just told him you do him the best,” Ivan murmured, my face immediately flooding red.

“That is NOT what I meant,” I tried to explain out loud, over-enunciating while I clenched my hands in embarrassment.

To his credit, Derek signed what he seemed to understand I meant, emphasizing each sign. It was clear that I had gotten several out of order and added one that changed everything overall.

After repeating the signs and getting confirmation, I shook my head and sighed dramatically. “I tried.”

Ivan was trembling with laughter. “You. You did,” he admitted. “But that was… wow.” His head dropped on his hands as he shook silently.

“Souffle pancakes?” I offered, finger spelling the word souffle since I had no freaking clue how to actually sign it.

“Egg pancake,” Derek explained, poking the one I offered and contemplating the jiggle.

“It’s cinnamon sugar, and not gooey,” I explained.

Apparently I got that one right, because Derek immediately stabbed a piece and shoved it in his mouth.  The only judgement I needed was the fact that he dragged the entire remaining pancake onto his plate.

Sam watched his roommate before contemplating his own sample. Before he could even ask, I held up a cup full of macerated berries. “And fruit topping for you, sir.”

“Are those my berries?” he asked, skeptical.

I shook my head. “Bog standard, from the consoles. Your vegetables and fruits are being used in the other shifts. We didn’t want to give anyone here unexpected tastes.”

He nodded and dumped the entire cup of fruit over his pancake, digging in happily.

Ivan batted his eyes at me until I explained. “Sam’s produce has… unexpected pairings. Tomatoes that pair with cheesecake and wines, strawberries that really go well with steak…”

“The mango that goes with beer but not fish?”

“Yeah, that one. Von soil does strange things to produce, turns out.”

“Those matcha-edamame are amazing though.”

“For ice cream, yes. For tea, less so. They’re like… cooking matcha, almost.” I laughed. They actually worked better for ice cream than matcha did, oddly - reducing the sugar content but still giving the same flavor.

“One vendor on the last day is using nothing but my produce,” Sam announced happily. “They asked my permission.”

“That’s good!” I encouraged him. “They should always ask your permission to do things like that.”

“People ask with requisition forms,” he agreed. “Mona asked in person.”

Note to self: much more patronage at Mona’s normal spot, I swore in my head.  She specialized in vegetarian dishes, and honestly made some of the best fried cabbage I’d had in my life.  Knowing that she was so considerate of Sam cemented her as my new favorite takeaway place.

After a little more chat, I finally waved my goodbyes to everyone and strolled slowly to the next tempting stall. I wasn’t really in any hurry, and did more people-watching than I did eating. Latkes were infinitely more interesting when I could overhear people arguing over family recipes.  A small bowl of udon was delicious, but not nearly as flavorful as the discussion around hot versus cold, what to top them with, egg or no egg… the only thing anyone seemed to agree on was that the smiling vendor ‘obviously’ ground their own flour, because the flour provided by the consoles was the wrong texture.

Another mental note: don’t learn to make udon.  Despite what I had previously believed, it takes a lifetime to make it right, turns out.

Wandering further down, I was delighted by the discovery of something that was very clearly Hannah’s doing: demonstrations of older food prep techniques.  Simon winked at me as he carried on a demonstration of - insanely - how to hand pull toffee. I didn’t know he could do that. Muna was demonstrating the correct way to make chapatis and handing them out as fast as she was making them. Clearly, she had been making them her whole life, because at no point did I actually see her look at them, but every single one was perfect.

Laughter erupted over my shoulder, and I whipped my head around to see the source. After wading through a crowd of smiling faces, I couldn’t help but join in.  There, right in front of the entire Ark, was Maverick trying to flip takoyaki as fast as the person demonstrating, and ending up with just a mess of octopus and batter on his side.  Both Maverick and the person guiding him were smiling, though, and in the end, the vendor handed Maverick four perfectly-round balls and quickly devoured all of the - less shapely, so to speak - ones on my partner’s side.  With an exuberant cheer and extending his arms wide to the crowd, the man exclaimed “The first takoyaki of a new student are always my favorite! Nothing tastes better!”

After bowing to his sensei, Maverick turned and spotted me, face still flushed with laughter.  He offered his food to a smaller man I did not recognize, who must have been the person Maverick was Supporting, before waving to me and continuing on.  Despite the urge to crush him in a hug, I forced my feet to stay in place and reminded myself that he was working.

By the time I trusted myself not to race after him, I realized someone had been trying to get my attention and had resorted to messaging me rather than shouting. “Phee, I don’t know what la-la land you are lost in, but look 100 yards to your four.”

The hell was Arthur doing here? He wasn’t scheduled to work this shift, as far as I was aware.  Craning my neck over my shoulder, I turned to see… Apparently a hallucination. It had to be.  There was no chance in any of the nine hells that Arthur Farro was dishing out spaghetti, much less smiling while doing it.

Almost dreamlike, I found myself drifting over to confirm that I was wrong, only to be startled when he shoved a plate with not only spaghetti but two gorgeous pieces of garlic bread under my nose. “Special plates, you can’t smell anything unless it’s on purpose.”

“You… Spaghetti?” I asked, eloquent as ever.

“Family recipe.”

“Leaning into the stereotype a bit, aren’t you?” I asked carefully before shoving as much of one thick, crusty piece of toast in my mouth as I could.

He shook his head. “Anyone who tells you their family is Italian and denies having a family recipe for anything is a damned liar.”

Skeptically, I took a bite. It was amazing. “Ah ee deh rehahee,” I tried to get out around the heap of pasta I was steadily shoving in my mouth.

“Maverick is a very bad influence on your table manners,” he observed drily, plating more portions and handing them out. “And no. Not happening.”

“You know I can cook.”

“Not the point. I also know that you will fiddle with it until it is unrecognizable, so there’s really no point in giving it to you.”

Defiantly, I took a smaller bite and chewed carefully. “Garlic, onions, obviously. Sausage and minced… Lamb? But that’s probably just for this session, knowing you it’s spicy sausage regularly.  I’m not getting carrot, though, so no soffritto? Unexpected…. Is that thyme, I’m tasting?”

“Rosemary, you heathen. And you’re still wrong.”

I mumbled to myself. “What did I get wrong? It’s gotta be the lamb… maybe he does usually use the lamb? I’m certain it is lamb…”

“It is lamb, and no, I don’t usually use it. But you left several things out.”

I stared at the plate again, confused. “I didn’t think I needed to mention the tomatoes….”

“Basil… oregano….” he drawled.

“Duhhh?” I poked through the last bite on my plate, sniffing it, trying to figure out what I was missing. “Fine, you win, I’m lost.”

“Mushrooms, Sophia. There’s mushrooms. Jeezus. It was an easy one, too.”  He showed me a bowl full of what looked like cooked and crumbled sausage, only for me to realize it was the tiniest diced mushrooms I had ever seen in my life.

“I am dying to know how you got them that small.”

“With a knife?” He arched an eyebrow at me as he turned to start another batch of sauce.

“Yeah, no shit, Arthur.”

“Correct, there is no shit in the spaghetti,” he confirmed cheekily as the vegetables started sizzling.

“Asshole,” I laughed, scraping the remaining sauce from my plate with the piece of bread I saved just for that purpose. Just as I was frowning at the sauce-less plate and remaining half-piece of bread, a scalding hot dollop of fresh sauce invaded my vision.

“You love me, because I won’t let you frown at your bread like that.”

Fiiiinnnne I sighed in my head as I shoved a piece of saucy, saucy bread into my cheeks and waggled my fingers to let him get back to work.

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[tellthemeerkatsitsfine]

That time of week again! New episode! Fresh content from the best thing on TV!

Thoughts on Taskmaster s12e07, written as I watch it:

- Look, Greg. I’ve never said they should actually air a version of Taskmaster for non-celebrities. There’s a reason why I want to see professional comedians (and the occasional actors, no disrespect to the incomparable Katherine Parkinson) do this show, and it’s that they’re funny. People who are not funny on a professional basis doing this show would just be a game show, or reality television, and I have no interest in watching that.

However. They could definitely make good money by opening the Taskmaster house to a limited number of visitors at a time who buy tickets that allow them to go into the house and find cards and try to complete the tasks that are written on those cards. No need to film it. Just let us do it. I am hoping to visit the UK at some point before I die, and I would pay way too much money for the chance to do this.

- I’ve said it before, but I like a prize task that gives them two words to interpret. “Best [type] thing” really just gives them one definition to play with, as they can choose how to interpret the type of thing they were asked to bring in (ie. when Jon Richardson and Joe Wilkinson brought in sexual objects for “best blue thing” by interpreting the word “blue” though a meaning it definitely does not have in North America). “Most ridiculous thin thing” lets them choose how to interpret the words “thin” and “ridiculous”. I like this.

- Well, Deiree seems to have interpreted “most ridiculous thin thing” the same way Jon Richardson and Joe Wilkinson interpreted “best blue thing”. Apparently there are a lot more words that mean “sexual and rude” than I used to think.

- Wow. Morgana’s prize. I don’t remember the last time a prize task entry has left me with this many questions. I. What?

In what context was Morgana working with Vic Reeves? Why was Vic Reeves’ beard hair something Morgana thought of as a ridiculous thin thing? How did she convince Vic Reeves to let her take some of his beard hair (actually that one isn’t all that burning a question, I can imagine Vic Reeves not having an issue with that)? Why is Morgana’s hair like that? Who filmed it and why did they film it in profile? I assume some of these questions will be answered by the discussion they’re about to have in the Taskmaster studio. I hope they all will be.

- Okay what the fuck? I wasn’t holding out hope that they’d answer all my questions, but they answered literally none of them. I mean, I assume they did discuss those things in the studio but cut it out. I want a fucking outtake in which they show us Morgana explaining that prize. Also, it’s quite possible that the actual most ridiculous thin thing is whatever’s on Morgana’s shirt:

To be clear, I do not mean this in a disparaging way. I want that shirt for myself.

- Wait. Then they let Guz get away with that prize and only minimal explanation? Okay, they need to start doing fewer pre-recorded tasks per episode so they can leave in more discussion these prizes. Because I still have no fucking idea what is going on with Guz’s cardboard cutout. First of all, he started his explanation with, “If we were in a pandemic,” and that’s a weird use of the subjunctive since we are in a pandemic. And then he talked about kids shitting themselves on school trips and then they just moved the fuck on. What the hell?

- Holy fuck. I think VCM just made Taskmaster history. I don’t think anyone has ever brought in the same prize for two tasks before. The only other instance of this I can think of is Bob Mortimer, but he did it on different seasons and called it something different each time (the sausage/broccoli presentation unit on season 5 and Champion of Champions 1). And that thing was at least a good prize. I guess there’s also Rhod Gilbert with his pictures, but he was just doing that to fuck with Greg.

Victoria... they’d have already filmed the studio portions of the previous episodes before she brought in this episode’s prize. She’d have already seen the thing get shut down for being terrible. And then she decided to bring it in again. Holy fuck. At this point Victoria has to be, as the British say, taking the piss. There is no other explanation.

- Ohhhh... okay. The argument is that Greg ridiculed that prize when she brought it in before, and therefore he has to agree that it’s ridiculous this time. That is... actually flawless logic, I can’t fault it.

- God, look at the satisfied smile of a woman who wields logic like a master weilds a blade.

Also, this isn’t the point or anything, but what is Victoria wearing?

- Oh God. I can’t decide what’s cuter. VCM’s excitement at finally doing something well and winning the fucking task:

Or everyone else applauding her because this is a season of people whose competitive edges get turned outwards toward trying to defeat the game itself, but they’re all very supportive of each other.

Now that we see her whole outfit in profile, I must ask again: what is Victoria wearing?

- I am so glad to see Desiree look at those balls and say they look kind of like billiard balls but they’re different and she doesn’t know what they are “in this country”. I’ve found it strange that British television frequently references snooker, a game I only sort of know exists. I’m vaguely aware that it’s played on a pool table with billiards balls that don’t have stripes or numbers on them, but other than that I’ve never heard about it before I started watching British television. I didn’t make the connection until right now that that the reason for this is that it’s more popular in Britain than in North America. But that would make sense, and explain why Desiree and I do not know about this game even though it seems that people on British television do.

- I’m going to say this before any of the contestants actually figure out and say how tall Greg is: I think he’s 6 foot 8. This is because in that one episode of WILTY, he told a story (that turned out to be true, and that he also wrote into Man Down) about a game he used to play at school with his friends in which they stood up outside the window with coats on and teachers didn’t recognize him. Lee said this wouldn’t work because of course the teachers would say, “We know who you are, Greg, because you’re 8 foot 6.” That made me laugh really hard. I have a friend who’s nearly 6 foot 8, and I’ve referred to him before as being “basically eight feet tall”, because once someone is taller than about 6 foot 5 they just look like a skyscraper. I often refer to my friend’s height in hyperbolic ways, because the sight of someone that tall just invites hyperbole. I assume Lee got the “8 foot 6″ joke from saying Greg’s actual height backwards to exaggerate it. Therefore, I think Greg Davies is 6 foot 8.

- I love that Morgana Robinson can join Jamali Maddix in the club of Taskmaster contestants who aren’t entirely sure what Greg’s name is.

- “Snooker [pronounced to rhyme with “cooker”] is not a word in any land.” - Greg Davies

Just for the record, I have heard of snooker a couple of times before hearing about it on British television. I don’t know how to play it or anything, but I remember being a kid and hearing there was a game called “snooker” that’s played on a pool table with different balls. I heard that from a fellow Canadian, who pronounced with with a Canadian accent (there are lots of regional variations but it’s essentially the same as the American accent), and they made it rhyme with “cooker”. So I have always known that game as “snooker”, rhyming with “cooker”. Then I started hearing people talk about it on British television, and of course it sounded a little different, because everything does in their accents. But for the record, “snooker” to rhyme with “cooker” definitely is a word in some lands. Such as the one where I live.

- I like that they’ve grouped VCM and Morgana together, just like they did in the iron throwing task. Those women may think on similar wavelengths when it comes to physical tasks like this.

- “I don’t know how you put up a shelf!” - Victoria Coren Mitchell, with maximum indignation

- VCM: The shelf is up. Nothing on there but the Taskmaster’s balls. Me: [giggles]

- Morgana is having issues with getting balls to stop rolling off a shelf that is clearly slanted. I also now see why the task said nothing but the balls could be on the shelf. She could solve this by putting something else on there to block them from rolling off. But the instructions preclude that, so instead she’s going to have to straighten the shelf.

- Nope. She’s instead decided that “texture” is the answer.

- Morgana just called a snooker ball an asshole.

- Oh, she’s got it now!

- “If I don’t hear anything drop, I reckon it means they’ve stayed up there.” Morgana. I know you can’t see the balls when they’re on the mattress. But you’ll be able to see them if they fall off the mattress. You don’t have to rely on sound.

- Alex just referred to a shelf nearly falling on VCM as, “The closest we’ve come to a serious injury on this show.” He has clearly forgotten about the time Sarah Kendall shot him with a nail gun and nearly hit his eye.

- Alan thinks Greg is 6 foot 6. I assume they’ll tell us at the end how tall he really is; if they don’t I’ll Google it. At the moment, there are two inches between Alan’s guess and mine. Though I guess if he is 6 foot 8, his eye line might be 6 foot 6.

- Desiree just said “sucker butt” while trying to say “snooker ball”. Now that is not a word in any land.

- Desiree has now twice failed to hammer a nail into a wall.

- I wonder how the owners of that house feel about things being nailed into the fence. I know it’s a rental, because that’s why people aren’t allowed on the roof.

- “Aw, Jeebus.” - Desiree Burch

-  - Wow. I was really impressed with Alan for a moment, until I remembered those bricks are made of foam.

- Is Desiree’s plan to have something that’s only held on by a couple of barely-hammered-in nails hold up all those balls?

- “I can feel a shelf coming on.” - Alan Davies

- Is it still a shelf if it only holds things while a person is standing there and holding it up? I assume that point will be discussed in the studio.

- “Provided that something is touching two surfaces, technically, it’s attached.” - Guz Khan

That is... not accurate. I appreciate Guz’s creative thinking and playing with definitions of words, but that is not what that word means at all. Lots of things can be touching two surfaces and not attached to them.

I agree with Guz’s main point, though. I definitely think that’s a shelf. It’s more of a shelf that Desiree’s contraption, anyway. Maybe more than Alan’s.

- “That’s what you call a shelf.” - Guz Khan

I agree with him. That’s definitely a shelf. It even has hooks so you can hang up your coat while playing snooker.

- I think they should have found a way to score that while taking into account how fast everyone was, and how close everyone got to the eyeline. Not just how fast and close they were relative to each other.

- They never actually told us how tall Greg is, just that his eyeline is 76 inches high. So I just Googled it, and apparently he’s 6 foot 6. Alan was right, Lee was exaggerating, I was wrong. Oh well, I’ll forgive Lee. I’m still going to call my 6 foot 7 friend “8 foot 6″ when I’m exasperated with him, because that’s a funny height to accuse someone of being.

- VCM! VCM! VCM!

- Years ago, I worked as a cashier for a while. Sometimes when we gave customers their receipts, they’d squint at them in confusion. I now realize they were checking to make sure all the information on there was correct. But I used to joke with the other cashiers that it was so weird the way we’d give customers a common piece of paper and they’d look at it like, “What the fuck is this? I’ve never seen one of these before in my life.

Anyway, that’s how Alan looked at that laminator:

Oh, Alan. Kerry Godliman, and more importantly, Greg Davies, would be disappointed in you for not recognizing the king of stationary. I say “more importantly” because Greg is the one about to judge this task.

- Wow. Fuck you, Alex. If I were on this show and suddenly had a snake-like thing pop out of a can and into my face, I would cause bodily harm to the nearest human and then strangle Alex with the plastic or whatever the hell those snakes in a can are made of.

- VCM and Morgana got the same objects and the same instruments. Same wavelength.

- Alan has failed to pop a balloon with a pin.

- “A mini-drumkit! That is exactly the kind of musical instrument I would have wanted if I was doing this task.” Again, Guz Khan makes interesting use of the subjunctive, given that he is doing this task. And if I were the sort of person who had OCD that means when I hear certain grammar mistakes gears in my brain crash together and don’t stop until I correct it out loud, then I’d have muttered the words, “were doing this task” just now. And now I have used the subjunctive wrong, because I did just do that.

(Yes, I know language is description and differing dialects are part of the rich cultural fabric that make linguistics the beautiful art it is rather than a rigid science. I have tried to explain that to my OCD, but it won’t listen.)

- Greg just called Alan “Father Time” for not being able to recognize a laminator. Greg, I hate to tell you this, but recognizing a laminator is not exactly the hallmark of the young and the cool.

- VCM has confused her instrument with a kazoo.

- Desiree Burch: I am not Phil Collins! Guz Khan: [is basically Phil Collins]

- Thank you for that jingle, Morgana, that was horrifying. I do not want that product. I didn’t want it anyway, but I want it even less now.

- Victoria, honey, what do you think a jingle is?

- Okay, I actually just Googled this to make sure I wasn’t the one who was wrong about the definition of “jingle”. But Google says I was right: “A jingle is a short song or tune used in advertising and for other commercial uses. Jingles are a form of sound branding. A jingle contains one or more hooks and meaning that explicitly promote the product or service being advertised, usually through the use of one or more advertising slogans.”

So a jingle is exactly what I thought it was, and VCM’s weird music-free advertisement is not a jingle.

- Damn, Desiree. That jingle did make me want to go buy crab sticks. I always kind of want crab sticks, because I love anything remotely seafood-like (I realize she was correct to point out that they are not real crab, but they taste slightly like it and that’s better than nothing to me). That was genuinely well written and well performed. Good job.

- “That was better than mine.” - VCM, on Desiree’s jingle

No shit.

- Jesus, Alan. How did you manage to kill off the viewer’s grandfather in a short advertisement for laminators?

- Okay, I have no idea what was going on during Guz’s jingle. The main thing I take away from it is he appears to actually know how to play the drums. Not incredibly well or anything. But there was a beat behind that jingle that sounded like it was played by someone who has played some drums before.

- I love it when Greg wants to “drill down into the narrative”. And I’m particularly glad he wants to in this case, because I think that jingle needs some explaining.

- Okay, after listening to the explanation, I can say my lack of understanding was not because I missed something, it’s because it made no sense whatsoever. The song itself was exactly what I thought: going on for a while about how life was better when Guz was single, and then mentioning the word “laminator”.

To be fair, that does sound rough. I’m in a romantic relationship right now for the first time in ten years, and it’s great and she’s awesome and I really enjoy spending time with her. But I’m pleased to say this relationship does not in any way impede me from eating Pringles, mingling in the world, or having any part of my body tingle. If I did have a relationship that stopped me doing those things, I’d probably write a song to lament that too.

- Really? No one will get one point? Not even VCM or Morgana?

- VCM: You think there was more joy in Alan’s discussion of laminating your grandad’s will than in my joyful snake exploding out a can, Alex laughing... Alan Davies: I think that’s exactly what he’s saying. Me: Oh shit! Oh, shit! Fucking third-degree burn from Alan Roger Davies on VCM! Someone get this woman some ice!

- What? Five points for Morgana? She absolutely should not have beaten Alan or Guz. Greg may just really like snakes in a can.

- Oh, a task with a choice. I like those. It doesn’t say they have to make their choice before they look in the box, so I’m going to say the smarter way to do it depends what’s in the box.

- Okay, I’ve seen inside the boxes now. I think the smarter strategy is to be put everything through the tube and then put the tube through everything. Because a lot of the items will just go through the tube as they are now. You put them through, and then you open them up to get the tube through them. If you open them up first, you’ll have to scrunch them back up to get them through the tube.

- “You’re already tights. Just remain tights.” - Desiree Burch

- I really like the sound of this “great push” that Alan keeps referencing. I hope he mentions it more times.

- The great push appears to have been a failure.

- VCM and Morgana are the only two contestants to get something to help them push things through the tube. Again, same wavelength. In addition to all the sexual tension.

- Never mind, they’re not the only two. Guz Khan has, in his words, “Found a spear.”

- VCM has returned with a longer stick, a tape measure, and an orange. The orange is for her to eat.

Where are they, by the way? I haven’t seen this filming location before. It looks like they’re in a school. Did VCM go back to her dressing room or the green room or something, where they’ve provided oranges for the television stars? Or does this building just have oranges in it?

- Okay, the orange was not just for Victoria to eat. She’s using it to push things through the tube. I suppose I can see how that would help. It’ll at least make sure the stick hits everything.

- The last time Guz forgot what a task was in the middle of it, he at least had the excuse that he’d shredded the instructions. This time, he can’t figure out what he’s supposed to do even though the instructions are right in front of him.

- Alex stopping and starting and stopping and starting the clock on Guz - top quality chaos contestant content.

- I don’t fully understand why Guz got disqualified from that task. They probably explained it in the studio, but cut that out. They need to start releasing extended cuts of this show. Occasional outtakes aren’t enough.

- Okay, so this studio task is a direct ripoff of the first team task from season 7, in which they had to direct their teammates to draw things while saying a limited number of words. I’m not complaining about that, that was a fun task. I like the tasks in which they have to interact with each other.

- #NoContextTaskmaster

- The fact that Alan’s image was a banana makes me think this is an intentional reference to that season 7 task. Bananas were among the things they had to draw in that one, and among the words they were allowed to say. Whenever I hear the word “banana”, I think of Kerry Godliman saying, “banana, banana, banaaana,” while Jessica Knappett drew.

- “You’re not going to get any points for hilarious things about body parts.” - Alan Davies

Shit. Then what the hell are we doing here?

- Okay, I’m playing along. I’ll draw in MS Paint while the person says the words, and then I’ll try to guess what it is before I see the contestants’ guesses. I won’t use any of the shape tools that Paint offers. I’ll draw freehand, like the contestants have to.

- Shit, this is really hard. I have no idea what Desiree described.

My best guess is some sort of vehicle, I’ll say a car.

- Well, if I got it wrong, then at least Alan Davies got it wrong in the same way.

- Shit. I am not good at this. To be fair, that was really hard. It’s a good thing I’m trying to do this really hard drawing task when I have no spatial awareness, visual intuition, or art skills whatsoever.

- Okay, let’s go Guz.

- What the fuck, Guz? What the actual fuck?

- Okay, my best guess is a beach scene. The bendy lines are ocean water, and the bendy circle at the end is the sun. But I have no fucking idea. I’m finding this task amazingly frustrating, and I’m not being filmed for national television right now.

- I like VCM’s guess that it’s fruit. That suggests she’s thought of something I’ve thought of briefly too, which is that the images might all be connected. Fruit would be connected to the banana, of course. But I don’t see how a banana connects to a castle, so this theory probably isn’t right.

- Greg Davies: I’ve got it as an evil clown’s face. Guz Khan: You would have got a point, mate.

Alex Horne: It’s Greg Davies. Me: Oh shit! Oh, shit! Third-degree burns from Guz Fucking Khan on Gregory Daniel Davies! Someone get the Taskmaster some ice!

- All right all right all right. I’m focusing for this next one. Let’s go, Morgana. Give me something I can draw.

- Morgana, buddy, are just going to keep saying the word “line” over and over?

- Oh I see, you are going to do that. Great.

- At first I was thinking of sheet music, maybe she’s getting us to draw the lines that appear behind music notes. But I think there are only five of them, and she’s said “line” more than five times by now.

- Okay, I’ll admit it, I cheated a bit. I’m drawing freehand because I said I’d play by the same rules as the contestants. But the contestants don’t get to go back in time and hear the instructions again. I, however, did just rewind the video to count how many times Morgana said “line”. Then I’ll start my drawing over and get the appropriate number of lines in there.

- Eight times. She said it eight times.

- I’ve got it! It’s a fucking book! I think I might have this one right!

- Guz is now just writing messages to his friends. Nice.

- Fuck. I am genuinely fucking annoyed about this. I thought it was a book.

- Oh, I like this immediately. VCM paused a little after her first word, so it was clear that she was stating the location, and then would tell us what she’d drawn. She’s doing this well, I might get one right.

- Forget everything I said at the beginning of this post, they need to make a Taskmaster for amateurs. Or I need to become a professional comedian. I also need to learn to draw.

- Not to be all... I want to be careful about how often I become that “look at the sexual tension between these celebrities” person, even as a joke, but I do need to appreciate the way Morgana is looking at VCM right now.

That woman is appreciating Victoria’s intelligence and ability to explain things carefully, and is also picturing her wearing that dinner jacket and nothing else.

- Well, despite Victoria’s explaining skills, I didn’t make anything recognizable:

My best guess is a table that’s been set. There’s a dinner plate in the middle and cutlery on the side. Or a cat face, and those lines on both sides are the whiskers. Actually the cat thing might be more likely. Fuck, I don’t know. This might be the second studio task in this season (aside from the paper airplane one) in which no one scores any points. And unlike with the pre-recorded tasks, they can just choose to not air the studio tasks because they didn’t work. Though to be fair, this task was fun to watch even if no one gets points.

- Oh shit, Desiree had the same guess that I did. Well, if I’m wrong, at least I can say I thought the same way as Alan Davies and Desiree Burch at different points throughout this task.

- I haven’t seen VCM’s drawing yet, but I’d just like to say... on last week’s podcast episode, Ed Gamble said she needs her glasses to see properly but she doesn’t wear them all the time because she doesn’t think she looks good in them. I would like to know whether there are any mirrors or televisions in the Mitchell household. Because I don’t understand how she could think she doesn’t look good in glasses if she has ever seen herself.

- Oh shit! At literally the last moment of the task, we have a point scored! Alan drew a spider!

- And here again, we have the most supportive group of opponents ever:

Again, I don’t think it’s that these people aren’t competitive. They’ve just chosen to compete against the tasks instead of against each other. Alan beat the task by finally scoring a point, and they’re all very pleased about that.

- Oh right, VCM gets a point as well because she described it properly. Hang on... I think... I think there’s a chance... I have to check. It depends whether she was ahead of Alan going into the final task, and I don’t remember if she was. There’s a chance that Victoria might have won an episode.

- Yessss!!!! VCM! VCM! VCM!

- VCM is kissing her own prize. Jesus Christ, she is cute. 

- Damn, those are tight overall scores. Three people tied for second, and Morgana just three points ahead. Runaway winners are fun in their own way, but I do enjoy a season with some tension about who’s going to win. This is great. And now VCM has won an episode, I’m really glad of that. She can crash out with a really low overall score at the end, but at least she won’t get added to the shameful list of contestants who’ve never won an episode.

[5lazarus]

Palimpsest

For the @sapphic-solstice fest! Posted on AO3 here.

Velanna and Sigrun fight some darkspawn, talk around the past, and write some letters.

“The golem,” Sigrun says. “They said our peoples worked together, once.” “Not like we do that now,” Velanna says sourly. Sigrun says, “Really? Then what do you think we’re doing, my love?” “I don’t think this is work,” Velanna says gruffly. A bit embarrassed, she pulls Sigrun in tighter. They’re sleeping under the stars. Velanna’s cast enough wards to keep the bugs away, and she radiates enough heat to keep Sigrun as toasty as the good spot in front of the fire. My fireball, Sigrun thinks fondly. Warmth. She’s too drowsy to come up with a compliment good enough to make Velanna blush, but not drowsy enough to stop thinking about the past.

She says, “Stars aren’t so strange. Like lyrium-lights. Don’t you think it’s funny both dwarves and elves can see well in the dark?” Velanna grunts. “Because the shem are stupid.” Sigrun laughs. “Yeah, they’re not the brightest. But the Wardens are okay.” Velanna says, “Hmph.” “You disagree?” Velanna strokes her face gently. You’re okay. The others….” She heaves a sigh. “I don’t think I was built for communal life. Even though I’m Dalish.” “Aw, c’mon, you’re not that irritable. Not nearly as bad as Nathaniel. Or Mahariel on a bad day.” Velanna says drily, “Such praise. Not as bad as a murderer’s son or our own neurotic Warden-Commander.” She rises suddenly. The wind wafts through the trees gently. The leaves rustle, but she spots something flit from branch to branch, networking through the canopy. Sigrun reaches for her favorite short sword. Velanna digs her fingers into the earth, feeling its heat travelling through its roots, and at the end--corruption. “Darkspawn,” she says shortly. “I don’t want to run,” Sigrun says. Velanna cannot argue with that, so they prepare an ambush. A shriek nearly catches her unawares, and as she strikes it down, she wonders if this were a cousin once, whose claim it came from, or worse--who birthed it? The battle is quick. They burn the remains and keep walking under the stars. As they trod their way towards dawn, Sigrun says, “You’re quiet.” “I’m tired.” “We can stay at an inn when we get back to the King’s Road. They won’t turn wardens away.” Velanna grunts. Sigrun tries again: “You know, the Legion of the Dead, we don’t let anyone who can make babies go down alone. So, you know. Darkspawn’s probably no one I know. And your sister--” “I don’t want to talk about Seranni.” Sigrun says, “But you should. At some point.” This is what they do, every night. They watch the stars and they watch the earth, and when the darkspawn come, they  kill them and give them a merciful death. Then they move onto the dawn and wash the dust from the road at some hesitant inn, and then they talk. They talk about the dead, they talk about the living. Sigrun leads her onto the road through the blueing dawn. They don’t talk about Shianni, but Sigrun chatters about other things as birds peep through the tree-lined path. “See, in Dust Town, we don’t have birds, not really. Who ever heard about a flying dwarf? But I had pigeon a couple times, before I came to the surface. Not really a delicacy, and for once I didn’t have to steal it! Sometimes we’d have these feasts, just for the sake of having something to celebrate. Go all out, not even on a real feast day. One way to tell the Shaperate to fuck off, I guess. So my friend Anezka, she hooked herself a warrior caste, she gets him to get me and her and a few of the others a ‘celebration of the feathers.’ Some weird shit she came up with, after she saw some noble in a feather-dress. So we skinned the bird but didn’t pluck the feathers--” “That’s so time-consuming,” Velanna says, amused. “Why? Just drop it in the pot with some chilis and salt and--” “Because it looked cool,” Sigrun laughs. “It’s all about the looks, down in Orzammar.” “Ugh,” Velanna says. They reach the inn off the King’s Road. Velanna counts the horses: two, for a two-story building, they might have spare rooms. She hesitates. Will they give them a room? They are decked in Grey Warden armor, after all, and only a little gore-splattered. Sigrun gives her a push.

“C’mon,” she says. “Breakfast is on me.”

Their eyes do not need to adjust to the dusky inside. The innkeeper, a thin woman with a slash for a mouth, starts when she sees them. Her eyes rest on the Grey Warden crest on their chest. She crosses her arms. Plunderers, Velanna can tell she’s thinking. Treaty-takers.

“We need a room!” Sigrun pipes up. “And a bath. No horses, though. But I won’t say no to breakfast.” She flips a gold coin and catches it in her fist, grinning: we have money to pay.

The innkeeper says flatly, “Two sovereigns.”

Velanna says, “Fuck that,” and turns to leave, but Sigrun grabs her by the wrist.

“One sovereign,” Sigrun says pleasantly. “We’re sharing the bed. And the bath. Not the breakfast. And please, we have letters to write, we just destroyed a darkspawn warren not too far from here.” Be grateful, her tone implies. The innkeeper takes the hint.

No one’s up but the owner, so there’s no one to politely intimidate away from the table by the fire. They settle down happily, and Sigrun pulls out a piece of parchment. Velanna’s amused.

“I didn’t think we actually had letters,” she says.

“Someone needs to tell the commander there’s still darkspawn wandering,” Sigrun shrugs. “Especially since we found them this close to the King’s Road.”

“So conscientious,” Velanna teases. She reaches for Sigrun’s face. Sigrun leans into her hand, and Velanna kisses her. Breaking from the kiss, she says quietly, “I didn’t know we had parchment left. We could get Dalish paper—”

“Nah,” Sigrun says. She holds up a wooden stylus, the tip flat like a tiny spatula. “I’m just gonna scrape the ink off this old dispatch.” Curious, Velanna watches her shuffle the ink off the parchment skin. The innkeeper brings over two generous plates of eggs and sausage and fresh-looking bread, and the eternal Ferelden shem cheese. Velanna doesn’t thank her, so Sigrun shoots her a quick, reassuring smile. Of what? Velanna wonders. Well, you’ve killed a lot of shem.

She eats and watches Sigrun write. It’s always a delight to watch her work. First, she scrapes the ink off. Nathaniel told her that was called palimpsest, when you dig the ink out of a piece of parchment. Still, the scratchings remain. You can still see the words that were unwritten.

“What was that?” Velanna asks, wiping the crumbs away from her mouth.

“Hmm?” Sigrun peers at her over her shoulder. “How’s the food?”

“Heavy, like you like it.” Sigrun still eats like she’s starving. Velanna has faced lean times, everyone but the wealthiest shem and durgas durgen’len has, but not like Sigrun. She doesn’t think Sigrun will ever feel comfortable eating slowly. “What was written, before?”

“Oh. Uh.” Sigrun looks embarrassed. “Nothing.”

“Nothing?” Velanna says, amused. “It’s got to be something.”

Sigrun smiles bashfully. “I like to write about my day sometimes. What we do, who we meet, if we find anything interesting. But I scratch it off every day. Parchment’s so expensive.”

Velanna pauses. “If we go north, we need to go trade for some Dalish paper.”

“Nah. Too much trouble.”

She’s annoyed, and it’s not because she’s hungry anymore. Before she speaks, though, she asks herself why—something she’s learned from Sigrun herself. She’s tired, yes, and she doesn’t know if she wants to continue this conversation, but she knows she should. Sigrun’s only shy when she’s hiding something she’s bothered by. She needs to know, then. She’s her partner, and Velanna has learned that to be good for her, to be as good for as she has been for her, she needs to know.

“Trouble? It’s…we can just requisition it, can’t we?” She gestures to the food. “You always tell me to enjoy being a warden.” She scoffs slightly. “You shouldn’t erase your own record of yourself, you know.” She realizes: ah, that’s why. “They’ve done enough of that.”

Sigrun laughs. “It’s not like this is the Shaperate, Velanna. Just paper.”

“It’s the Shaperate for people like us,” Velanna retorts. “The Dalish write. And we have our songs and stories and friezes. We just have our dispatches. Add in a line. Give it to me.” She tugs the parchment from under her hand. “I’ll write it. ‘Give us more paper.’”

“Hugs and kisses, Velanna,” Sigrun says drily. She picks up a butter knife and begins smearing soft cheese onto the loaf. Velanna stretches an arm around her, and Sigrun leans into her as she eats. “Fine,” she says, muffled. She pauses to chew a bit more and swallow. “But who’s gonna read it? Not like I want Mahariel to read it. This is personal, not like—history.”

Velanna says, “Who cares? I’d kill to have my mother’s words.”

“I know you would,” Sigrun says.

“So you see my point. Someone will want it. You know how much it matters. Don’t let them scratch you off the page.”

“Who’s them?” Sigrun pushes against her gently. “Just me. Anyway, the scratch of the nib still fucks up the page. I’m still there.”

“Yeah,” Velanna says, “off in like, the margins. You dragged me to this inn, vhenan. Your words should be in the middle of the page.”

Sigrun says, “I think you got me lost in the woods of that metaphor, my love. Why don’t we go take that bath, and you try that again?”

“Oy,” Velanna says, but Sigrun’s laughing, so she smiles too. Sigrun finishes the report, Velanna adds in a demand for more paper, they take their bath and enjoy their bed, and at some point, Velanna knows, Sigrun will write about it—and someone will remember it for them, too.

[thebutterflysoupblog]

About Diya

This is 2 pages (in my Docs draft, at least) about Diya! All of these can be found in Asks that Brianna Lei did on Tumblr. I’ll be linking them.

Here’s how it works: Each hyperlink links to the Ask I got it from. If there is no hyperlink, look for the most recently used hyperlink and you can find it there. Ex: Fact 11 has no hyperlink. The nearest hyperlink used before is in Fact 9, so Facts 9 and 11 can be found under the same hyperlink.

Also, I highly recommend checking out Asks 12, 13, 17, 18, and 20 for extra details! Brianna really wrote out a few of them, so if you’re interested in stuff like the Diyamin wedding or the first time D.A.M.N. went out for Halloween, take a look! 

She is 5’10 in grade 9, and grows to 6′0

Her family is from southern India

She knows Tamil 

As a kid and in the post-game scene at the dog shelter, she wears a black long-sleeved shirt with black gloves. As a teenager, she is wearing a shirt with thumbholes (see image in link for example).

Sometime after she and Min start dating, she finds out what ‘saranghae’ means and uses it for the actual meaning.

Her birthday is 26 November. She’s the youngest out of D.A.M.N.

She is likely to break into minor league baseball and eventually MLB

Her parents are the only ones who are okay with her joining the Baseball Club. Everyone else forged their parents signatures.

Her favorite dog changes depending on her mood, but she loves them all. One favorite is the Samoyed (her chat avatar) because they’re large and fluffy

She is enrolled in all honors classes so she has to try extra hard to keep up sometimes

It is rare that she has to fall asleep studying at her desk, but it happens twice in-game

She self-identifies as lesbian

Her favorite movies would be Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone along with some dog movie

She plays the “catcher” position in baseball

She and Min are the “corniest sappiest couple imaginable”

She and Hayden kept in touch until they went to different middle schools. When they met again at the baseball game, they had not seen each other for a few years

She hates confrontation so is normally “annoyed internally.” She doesn’t trust herself to articulate her feelings, so she looks sulky and exercises to get the feeling out

Her MBTI personality type is ISFJ-T

She is a demi lesbian. Any relationship for her would have to start from friendship first

She has at least 20/12 vision, so she is good at detecting motion and has good peripheral vision (this is why she is good at sports!)

She has a “talent” of accidentally getting her hand stuck in things, like jars

She became friends with Akarsha because both parents sent them to walk to school together because they lived in the same neighborhood. They eventually got used to each other and care about each other from interacting so often.

She doesn’t talk to her parents much because they’re prone to turning conversations into a lecture/criticism (ex: Mentioning Akarsha leads to “Akarsha is so outgoing! You should try being more like that”). This contributes to her social anxiety

She worries about embarrassing herself in front of people/being seen as weird because her parents make it sound like she’s often doing something wrong

A lot of car rides and meals together are in almost complete silence with her parents

Her parents are relatively progressive on gender roles for Asian parents, despite being homophobic

Her parents let her do what she wants as long as she keeps her grades up and doesn’t cut her hair short like Min. They will change their minds on things, given enough time.

When she is sick, she sleeps all day. She once heard sleeping is good when sick

She is Hindu, which is why Noelle picked out the sausages from her fried rice for Diya

Would probably like the movie Hachi

She would probably be a ranger (to have a connection with animals and have a companion, a fighter, or a knight if she played D&D

She has never tried weed

She would choose Pokémon based on cuteness over practicality

If she played Overwatch, she would be a Pharah main because of the dog helmet on the Anubis skin

Would play Mario Kart at other people’s houses but does not regularly play games

Dreads presentations and would have trouble falling asleep the night before from anxiety

As a presentation approaches, she loses her appetite, her stomach hurts, and becomes nervous and sweaty

When presenting, she reads word-to-word off index cards extremely quickly

If not reading off anything, she stares at objects, blanks out, and tries to suddenly go back to her desk to end the presentation early

Her life flashes before her eyes whenever she stutters or messes up a sentence during presentations

She slouches a lot with Noelle because she was shorter than Noelle in elementary and is not used to being taller than her

She went as Red Riding Hood for Halloween with the Deke Squad

She got most of Noelle’s candy after trick-or-treating

She doesn’t have a dog because her parents know they’d be too busy to handle it, even though she begged for one

She has a fish tank with guppies

Her favorite color is light blue

She became hard of hearing because of an infection when she had when she was a few years old

She is an only child

She gets scared during tense bits of regular movies, so is terrified during a horror movie

She does not scream during a horror movie, she is just silently scared

For college, she and Min live together

She and Min would not have kids (see embedded image in Asks 20, it’s hilarious)

That’s it! It takes me a while to compile and edit these, but I’ll try to do it for other characters eventually! (●'◡'●)

[bebepac]

Seeing Double

This is chapter 7 of Just the Way You Are.  To catch up on what you’ve missed please click:  Just the Way You Are Masterlist

Original Post date: 2/24/2021

The Book:  Prerfect Match x TRR

Pairing:  Hayden and Kai /  TRR MC is single-ish

Word Count: 3192

Warnings:  Profanity

Summary: More of Hayden and Liam’s friendship is revealed.  Liam and Riley have breakfast together for the first time... alone.  The squad goes out to dinner.  

Taylor, Sal, Jaiden, and Nico are my own characters.  All others belong to Pixelberry.  

A/N: Working on giving my masterlist a face lift, here’s one of fruits of my labor.  I hope you like it.    I really don’t have a song for this one, so i’m not even going to bother picking one.  

A/2:  In this AU Jaiden is not the older brother, he is the younger brother.  Jason and Ren Brooks after failing to conceive adopted twin girls and seven years later.  Jaiden arrived!

“You have an identical twin sister?”  

“Yes.”

“Why didn’t you mention that?”  

“She’s my sister, and we share the same face.  That's it. Do you mention your sibling that doesn’t?”  

“No.. but…”

“People get so drawn into the fact that we look alike, that they don’t realize that we’re still  completely different people with different personalities.  Yes we share a face… but that’s where the similarities end. People really start asking ten thousand questions when you say, you have an identical twin."

Riley laughed in her direction.

"Being that she's giving you the finger right now, looks like the two of you really hit it off. Come on let's smooth this over. I promise her bark is worse than her bite."

Riley grabbed his hand pulling him over to meet her sister. All Liam could think is that Riley was holding his hand.

Taylor immediately rolled her eyes.

"C’mon Tay be nice.”

“Why? He has corny jokes Riley. My God!!! They’re horrible.”

“You’re just a comedy snob because Max is a comedian.”  

She smirked at Riley. Riley smirked back identically.

“Liam is a nice guy Taylor, if you give him a chance. I gave Maxwell a chance.”  

“I’m engaged to Maxwell. Are you trying to get engaged to him Riley?”

Liam let out a surprised cough.

“In case you don’t speak in cough, that means no Ri.”

“That means, we just started hanging out and you’re trying to throw us down the aisle Taylor, overbearing much?”    

Riley raised her eyebrow, crossing her arms over her arms over her chest.  Riley tapped her foot impatiently.  

“Finnnnneeeeeee!!!!  You win.  Okay, You win.  Don’t do that thing like Mom does it drives me crazy."

Taylor took a sip of her coffee like she was taking a shot and then smiled sweetly at Liam.

"Hi Liam, I'm Taylor, Riley's sister. Nice to meet you."

Liam was impressed.

"That's all I ask. Thank you Taylor."

She saluted Riley. "Okay Mom."

"Come on Liam." She grabbed his hand again pulling him away from her.

They went to sit at a table away from Taylor. Liam was  relieved. Though he thought Riley had the situation handled with her sister.

"Sorry I am late. Chance told me at the last second, he couldn't make it then I had to throw something on."

Riley smiled, so did Liam.

He glanced at Riley. If this was her just throwing clothes on, his heart ached to see what she looked like when really tried to look nice.

Riley looked amazing. Her hair and makeup were done. She was wearing a blue retro dress with pink flamingos on it, and her signature pink flip flops.  Riley looked beautiful.

"Well if you rushed, Riley, I can't tell. I think you look beautiful."

Riley smiled biting her lip and her cheeks turned pink. She glanced down at the menu.

Riley was blushing!

"You make sure you let Chance know, I'm sad I couldn't hang out with him today. But I'm glad you're here Riley."

They ordered their food. Another Greek omelet for Riley. Liam ordered a different breakfast sampler.

When the food came he noticed as he ate Riley kept glancing at his plate.  

“Want to try some?”  Liam asked.  

“No.. I’m fine.”  Riley said hesitantly.  They continued talking.  It almost felt like a date to Liam.  

When he glanced up, Riley was eyeing his plate again.

“Riley, you're giving my food the look of lust.”  He slid his plate over to Riley.  

“Well if you insist.”   She said, taking a forkful of  eggs, chopped potatoes, cheese, and sausage breakfast casserole.

“That is soooo good.”

“Maybe you should get it the next time you have breakfast here….with me…”  

“I’d like that.”  Riley’s cheeks turned a darker shade of pink.  “Us to have breakfast again, and the breakfast casserole is a good idea too.”

“Alright.”  Liam’s smile brightened even more.  

Taylor watched her sister.  She hadn’t seen someone make Riley smile like that in a long time.   Maybe she was finally trying to let someone in.   Taylor was going to give this Liam guy a chance, if he could make her smile like that.  She hadn’t seen her smile that much since Nico.  

“See you at work sis.  See you around Liam.”  

“It’s been interesting meeting you Taylor.”  

Taylor smiled.  “You know what,  I like him a little more now.  He’s honest.”  

Hayden poured a cup of coffee.  Hayden didn’t dislike anything.  But he found that there were some flavorings he added to his coffee he enjoyed more than others.  

“Hey Hayden!”

“What’s up Liam?”

“Nothing much, how are you?”

“I’m really good.”  

Liam put his lunch bag in the fridge.

“I just want to thank you.”  

“For what?”  Hayden asked.

“For setting me up with Riley.  It might not go anywhere, but I feel like I have a chance.  We might have a chance. And I really like being around her.”  

“I thought you two would be a good match for each other.  You two have the same look in your eyes.  The one you try to hide.”  

“And what look is that Hayden?”  

“Pain.  I think the two of you could help each other heal.”  

“You can see that in the both of us?”  

“You don’t have to tell me about what happened to you Liam.  Or you can, when you feel like you’re ready to.  Just know you have a friend if you ever need to talk.”

Liam was humbled by Hayden's words. Regardless of what Hayden was or wasn't,  Liam knew one thing. Hayden is a true friend. No one could convince him otherwise.

"Thank you Hayden."

Liam had heard horror stories about the matches.  Especially the one that tried to kill the president.  People that knew what Hayden was, stayed away from him in the office.  Others were intrigued.  All still kept their distance.

Hayden was alone at work a lot, until Liam decided to sit with him one day at lunch.

“Mind if I sit with you?”  Liam asked that day.

“Sure, I guess my days of hoarding seats are now over.”

Both Hayden and Liam laughed.

Liam liked Hayden immediately.  They talked about everything. Hayden finally asked the question that was on his mind.

“Why did you sit with me?”  

“You looked like you needed a friend.  I need one too.”  

“Jai, do you have your wallet?”  

“Riley you’re worse than Mom.”  

“Well if you want to have a drink, they’re going to card you.  No one will believe my baby faced brother is twenty one without seeing your license.”

She pinched Jaiden's cheek.

"God you are Mom!!!!"

"And don’t be afraid to talk, Jai.  You cared about him too.”  

“Okay Riley.”  

When they arrived at The Ruby Apple, they were the first to arrive.

“Sal, can we get our usual booth?”  

“Sure sweetheart, it only seems like yesterday was the last time all you all were here together.”

Riley slid into the booth  glancing at all the pictures on the wall.  The Ruby Apple had been one of Nico’s favorite places, and their group of friends were regulars there.  They had their own booth.  And there it was, a picture of the group together celebrating Nico’s birthday, the last one he had with the group.   Nico had put on two birthday hats on his chest, and looked like Madonna when she wore that  cone bra in her music video.

  He was sticking his chest into Riley’s face, and everyone was laughing.  Everyone filed in, that was in town.  Drake, Max, Taylor, Liv, Bert, Savannah, and Kai.

“Where’s Hayden?”  

“He decided he would stay in tonight.”  

"He knew he was welcome right?"

"Oh of course Ri, he knew."

“Sal, can we…..”

“Loaded nachos for the table and your first round?”  

“Yes.”  

“Let me see Super Boy’s id.”  

Taylor laughed.  “That’s funny.”  

Jaiden handed over his driver’s license.  

“I’ll have my waitress bring your stuff over."

A few minutes later a young woman walked over to the table.  Jaiden sat up straight.

Riley raised an eyebrow.  

“Mia!!”  Kai screeched.  “What are you doing here?”

“Working, I pull some shifts here when we’re not on the food truck to make a little extra money.”

Jaiden kept staring at her.  She smiled at him.   She passed out the shots.  It was Nico’s favorite.  Baby Guinness.

“It looks like I have one extra.  I’m sorry, I’ll take it back.”  

“No leave it.  There was supposed to be one more.”  Riley said with a sad look in her eyes.  

Mia left the shot.  “I’ll be back in a few with your loaded nachos for the table.”

“Let’s do this.”  Drake commented. “Everyone hold your glasses up.  Only for you would I drink this weak ass shot for, because you know I’m a whiskey man.  And because of that, I know you are smiling down on all of us.  We fuckin’ miss you, and love you Nico KH. Cheers.”

Everyone clinked glasses and  downed their drinks.

“That’s not weak!”  Jaiden coughed.  

“Says the twenty-one year old that’s had more cough syrup in his life, than actual liquor.”

“Taylor God! He’s your brother, why do you have to be so ruthless?”  Bert laughed.

“You act like you just met me.  You  know this about me. My sensor is perpetually broken.”

She slid by Jaiden.  “I’ll be right back.”

Sal stopped her.

"Riley, I'm so sorry about the number of shots, I wasn't thinking."

"It's alright Sal."

Riley went into the bathroom to compose herself a little bit.  She wiped her eyes and touched up her makeup.  She felt it a victory she hadn't cried today. She sighed walking out of the bathroom when she saw him.

Liam was sitting in a booth alone, reading a book. Not a kindle, an actual book.  Riley smiled. She didn't know why she found it so endearing that he was reading an actual book, and chuckling to himself.

"Liam?"

He looked up at her.

"Hey!"

"What are you reading?"

"It's called The Greek Meet. It's absolutely hilarious."

"Isn't that a movie?"

"It is, but oftentimes the books are always better than the movie versions. The author was consulted on this one, it's pretty close to the book."

"Good deal! Are you alone Liam?"

"Yeah, but I'm fine Riley." He smiled at her.

"Liam…."

"I'm used to it." He reassured her.

His words stung Riley's heart.

"What happened to you Liam?"

"I was sick a lot as a kid.  I spent a lot of time alone in a hospital room."

"Come sit with us Liam."

He shook his head no.

"It's okay Riley. I'm fine really."

"Please?"

He glanced up at her.

"If you insist."

Liam followed Riley over to the big booth full of people.

"Who's this clown?"  Drake asked.

"Drake don't be a Taylor."

Everyone at the table laughed at Jaiden's comment.

"I resent that. And from all people, my little brother. Really Jai?"

"It's what we do. Broken sensors and sarcasm is a love language we're sure."

Drake and Taylor  high fived each other.

Riley introduced Liam to the table as her friend.  He sat next to Riley and across from Kai.

Mia showed up with another round of drinks.

"This one is on Sal! Hey about time you showed up! You missed the first round.  Just in time for the second."

"Excuse me?" Liam looked confused.

Mia passed out the shots.

"You said there was supposed to be one more. This is him right?"

Oh God. Liam thought as he looked at Riley. They were here for Nico.

Riley stammered.  No one knew what to say.

Riley's face fell.

"Yeah! I'm always late. You know me." Liam said with a smile at Riley.

"Great! I'll be back with your Nachos."

Drake gave Liam a nod of approval.  He had earned respect at the table.

"Come on then let's do this before the damn alcohol evaporates. You too Liam."

Everyone held up their drinks.

“You know we got more people in this booth this year without your big ass head in the way?  We still miss you though. Happy birthday in heaven.”  

Everyone drank their shots.

“Softie, your emotions… “  Maxwell nudged Taylor.

“I am NOT SOFT!!!”  You know this about me Max."

“So how was it?”

“Not terrible. Actually, I liked it.”  

Mia came back with the huge plates of Nachos.

“Yasssssssssssss!!!” Maxwell screamed.

Riley looked at Liam.  “Thanks.” she whispered to him.  

He winked at her.  “No problem.”  

Mia refilled the waters on the table.  

“Can I get a coke?”  Jaiden blushed at Mia.

“Sure sweetie, I got ya.”  

“Somebody’s got a crush on the cute waitress.”  

“She’s nineteen.”  

“How do you know that Kai?”  Riley asked.

“She runs my favorite food truck with her dad.  You saw the cute shirts.  Pops on the Go.  That’s Pop’s daughter Mia.”  

“She’s even made her uniform a little spunky.  She stands out from all the other waitresses.

“And not to mention her pink chuck taylors.”  

“Her what?”  Jaiden asked.

“Jaiden her shoes.”  

“They’re converse.”  

“You’re so young. But you know what we’re going to help you.  We’re feeling inspired.  I feel like Nico would help you out. Nico KH was a great wingman. We’re going to be your wing people tonight.”  

“Kai you’re up.”   Drake said.

“Here’s your coke.”   . “Thank you.”  Jaiden’s cheeks were bright red.

“Hey Mia?”  

“Yeah Kai?”

“Between Pops and here, how in the world do you have time for a social life?”

Mia laughed.  “What social life?  The most social I am right now, has media behind it, or talking to my customers.”  

“You mean to tell me as adorable as you are, you’re not seeing anyone currently?”  

“No, not right now.”  

Kai glanced at Jaiden and winked.  

“Can I get you guy’s dinner orders going?”

She paused.  Jaiden was just staring at her in awe saying nothing.  

Riley hit him.  “Jai, she wants your food order!!!”

“OH!!! Can you come back to me, I’m not sure yet.”  

Taylor made the sound of someone crashing and burning.

“You’re going to hell Taylor.” Drake said.

“With the way you drink whiskey, Drake, you're gonna be there first. You can save me a seat in the lake of fire.”  

By the time it was Jaiden’s turn to order he still looked indecisive.

“What’s your favorite thing on the menu?”

“My favorite is the tofu burger with carrot fries.”  

Drake made vomit sounds.

“Seriously?”  Jaiden asked.  Yeah he wasn’t going to attempt that one for a girl.

“Um no.  Get the Monster bacon burger with loaded fries.”  

“That sounds really good.”  

They enjoyed their dinner.

Mia passed out all the checks.

Riley grabbed Jaiden’s.  

“I owe you dinner.”  

She took his.  She smiled when she opened it.  

“You might want this though.”  

On a little separate piece of paper was Mia’s phone number.  

Jaiden smiled when he looked at the digits written on the piece of paper.  

He picked up his phone.

Drake snatched the paper away.

“Don’t you text her yet!!!!!!”

“Don’t play games with her.”  Savannah  said.  All the women at the table nodded.

“He’s not supposed to text right away. Makes him look over eager.”  

“Um he is eager.  Let’s be real.”  

“Are you staying with me tonight Jai?”

“Do you mind?”  

“Nope, you’re a little wobbly, you’re coming home with me.”

“If that isn’t the pot calling the kettle black.  You too Riley.”  

“I can walk you guys back if you want.”  

“Thank you Liam that would be great.”

Liam waited for Riley and Jaiden outside.  

Drake approached him.

“You know that was really nice what you did for her earlier in there.  None of us knew what to say without hurting her.”  

“Not a big deal,  I was only trying to help make an awkward situation… less awkward you know?”

“Riley is like a sister to me.  She’s been through a lot.  If you break her heart, I will break your face. Am I clear?”  

Liam swallowed thickly.  “Crystal.”  

Drake slapped Liam on the back when Riley came up.

"Nice seeing you Liam. Remember what I said!"

Liam, Riley, and Jaiden started walking to Riley's apartment in silence.

"My feet hurt." Riley grumbled.

"C'mon Ri."

Jaiden crouched in front of her.

She hopped onto his back.  After a few blocks Jaiden’s pace really slowed.

Jaiden grumbled. "I'm not going to make it."

He put Riley down on a park bench.

"My feet still hurt.”

"Do you trust me?" Liam inquired.

"Within reason, why?"

"This is why."

Liam effortlessly picked Riley up carrying her over the threshold.

Riley wrapped her arms around Liam's neck.

"I feel like a princess." Riley giggled still a little tipsy.

"No Riley, you're a Queen."

"Queen Riley. That's pretty nice."

Riley rested her head on Liam's chest, hearing his heart beat steady in his chest. It lulled Riley right to sleep.

Liam tried to pass some knowledge on to Riley’s younger brother.

"You know Jaiden, I agree with the ladies about Mia. If you want to get to know her better, text her. Don't wait. She seems like a really sweet girl."

"Is Riley snoring?"

Liam glanced down at Riley again. Her head was nestled right next to his heart.

"She's out like a light."

"You like my sister don't you?"

"What's not to like? She's amazing!"

"Riley is not going to forget him, Liam."

"I'm not asking her to. I'm just hoping she will open her heart to me."

"It's the same thing."

"It isn't. I know I can't replace him. There is a part of her heart that will always be his because of the way she lost him. I'm not asking her for that. I don't want that part of her. What I do want is the chance to make her happy, her to give me a chance to. And we could find a happy place together, her and I ."

He glanced at Riley. She snorted, waking herself up. Jaiden was laughing, Liam was trying hard not to. He just thought she was so damn cute.

"Was I snoring?"

"No, not at all Riley, you just breathe heavy."

"Where's your key? We're at your place."

Liam put Riley down at her door. Riley fished in her purse for her keys.

“Want to say hi to your buddy?”  Riley asked.  

Hell ya I do!”

Chance ran up to Liam once they got inside the apartment.

“He really likes you a lot.”  

“Yeah no one else matters when Liam is around.  Don’t forget who feeds you every day twice a day Chance.”  

“I think it’s forgotten.”  Liam chuckled.  

Liam saw Jaiden get excited as he looked at his phone.

"Mia just texted me back!"

"I'm so glad you didn't listen to Drake."

"Yeah I listened to Liam."

"What about your sisters or all the other women at the table."

"I am the great and powerful Li. Wise beyond his years. " he said with a wink.

Riley rolled her eyes.

The next morning Riley woke up with a headache.  

“Ri! Where’s your sugar?”  Jaiden called through the door.  

“In the sugar bowl on the table.”

Riley groaned grabbing her head.

“Ugh.. Baby Guinness, you are not my friend.”  

Riley settled back into bed and closed her eyes.  She heard a soft mumble and the bed settled next to her.  

Riley opened her eyes.  She rolled over finding Liam sleeping in the bed next to her shirtless.  

What the Fuck.

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[wantaichi]

karasuno as guy best friends

all platonic over here, folks. 

[reuploading due to tagging problems grr]

SUGAWARA KOUSHI made you swoon the first you met him and no one could blame you - ‘hii i don’t think we’ve met, i’m suga :)’ cue hand shake and soft hand squeeze and pretty eyes staring right into you melting your insides.. he’s just naturally sweet towards everyone and you learn this eventually. loves giving head pats and asking about your day and telling you to ‘take care text me when you get home!’ you‘re always telling him whoever he’d end up with would be the luckiest person on earth and you’d never forgive them if they hurt him. the type of guy best friend who spams your profile pic with comments - ‘wHO IS SHE’, ‘ohhh she glowin!’ - and acts all surprised as if you hadn’t just asked him to choose that photo for you. has a sixth sense for you that’s always so on-point he could tell when you’re faking a smile and would drag you out of the room discreetly saying ‘c’mon lets talk’

DAICHI SAWAMURA acts as the parent/legal guardian throughout your friendship, always reminding you to drink your water and to drop instant noodles from your diet. he has your birthday penciled into his planner and phone calendar, remembers your hyper-specific coffee order from starbucks, and knows all your pet peeves - from slow walkers to being told to ‘chill’ because it invalidates your feelings. the best friend you can trust to do your yearbook write up for you because he knows all your best qualities and remembers all your achievements by heart. doesn’t seem to be aware of his own popularity - his mental age surpasses that of people his age - and couldn’t be bothered with anything concerning romance so you’re always trying to pimp him out set him up with friends and friends of friends who are dying to date him

ASAHI AZUMANE’s always seen as the understated friend in the group just quietly soaking up everyone’s stories in the background but actually has a comedic streak only you and few others know about. it’s easy to miss because he’s too shy to say his jokes out loud so he mumbles them to himself, and they’re so insanely corny - delivered with a straight face - it had you tearing up from laughter the first time you caught him. you love that his brand of funny is free from any kind of attention seeking and feel lucky to be one of the few to witness this side of him. his sense of humor shines best when innocently poking fun at his close friends like doing accurate re-enactments of suga smizing at his reflection or daichi holding his screen 10 inches from his face, or when you’re expressively telling a story and he goes “do that face again” so you do it and he’s like “one more” and idiot you does it again before realizing bitch is trolling you ugh

NISHINOYA YUU is your wild card friend - you never know when he’d show up to things, but when he does, everyone knows. the friend you wished upon a shooting star the way Lilo did and ended up getting a gremlin smh. he’s the spark plug for spontaneous action in your life - would randomly text blast everyone on a weekend to hangout and watch that rooster fight in his neighborhood or go feral at the batting cage downtown, and you’re like wtf...game. deep conversations aren’t really his thing but you’re always so down for anything, to ride along with all the shit he enjoys and listen to his ramblings and it’s that rawness he loves about your friendship. the best friend that has a tendency to go missing in action all of a sudden and no one knows where he is but will randomly hit you up at 10pm to grab ramen with him or those ghetto ass meals ($0.80 rice burgers ftw) on the sidewalk that give you both diarrhea

TANAKA RYUUNOSUKE tried to shoot his shot with you the first you met; now cringes whenever reminded about it because you’re a sausage to him now, as sausage everyone else on the team. the best friend who’s down to hang out literally from morning ‘til dawn, have friends over for a week, go out for late night visits or spontaneous road trips - really anything that serves an excuse to be with the bros (including you). you’d joke about growing sick of each other’s company but deep down you know he’s the one person you could never tire of and run out of fun things to do with. the best friend you could simply be drinking grapefruit shochu with or eating cup noodles and it’d still be one of the most memorable moments with him. the most reliable especially when you’ve gone through a messy break up or when it’s red season - will come over with a whole bag of instant ramen, some takoyaki and some ibuprofen (regardless of the situation)

you and HINATA SHOUYO hit it off within the first hour of meeting each other. you’ve screeched talked about everything there’s to know about the other - volleyball, school life, mutual friends, music taste, siblings, irrational fears and childhood traumas - added each other on facebook, followed each other’s instagram, made plans to watch that game in another school; all within an hour. there’s just something about him that makes it easy for you to open up about anything. the friend that gets you all flustered at the start because he’s so touchy and always poking and hugging you every chance he gets (turns out he’s an accidental flirt). he’s your number one fan and cheerleader and has a way with words that always lifts your spirit, but also definitely the best friend who always gets you sent out of class because your thumb wrestling match or game of tic tac toe got over competitive

KAGEYAMA TOBIO isn’t sure who or what exactly counts as a best friend but he knows which people to trust and which ones trust him back and accept him as he is. yours is a friendship where seeing and talking to each other might happen every few weeks (or even months) but knowing you can count on the other for support and encouragement. there’s never any pressure to be more expressive and he feels comfortable to just be his normal self around you; you’ve probably bonded over mutual interest like volleyball or just sports in general, something that made a lasting impression and led to keeping in touch. you can’t be there in all his games but you make sure to stay updated and send him a ‘congrats!’ or ‘you did your best!’ after matches. you’re sometimes mistaken for his s/o (with how comfortable he is with you), and though neither of you give a shit and even ride along with it sometimes, deep down you’re both thinking: ‘HARD PASS’

YAMAGUCHI TADASHI - timid and innocent, that’s the first impression he gives off to a lot of people. he seems hard to get to know at first but all it takes is a little kindness and authenticity for this boy to warm up to you. deep down he’s hemorrhaging with happiness whenever someone introduces themselves and welcomes him as a friend - he’s never really sure if people like him and he doesn’t like imposing on others. even on a best friend level you’ll learn that there’s so much more layers to him - that he’s loudest when nerding out on things like underdog athletes and comics and art, that he has an eye for aesthetic and beauty and is easily attracted to pretty faces and stylish dressers (but is blind to red flags sighh). he keeps you updated with the trendiest stuff like that milk tea store that just opened or that new release on netflix — always up to date with everything ugh

to TSUKISHIMA KEI, people are either strangers or friends. you could be talking or working together on a daily basis but he’d still consider your friendship superficial; inversely, you could be hanging out only once/twice a week but your conversations would always be interesting or challenging enough for him to keep you around. you’re most likely the louder one or always the one initiating conversations and asking to hang out with him; he’ll call you annoying but secretly appreciates your genuine interest in reaching out to him. you’ll know he acknowledges you as a friend when gives you song recs based on your music taste or asks for your opinion on things - should he get new headphones or that limited edition t-rex figurine? he’ll engage you in debate while studying, in talks about social issues and maybe some existential stuff and you’ll learn that the unforeseeable future led by your generation keeps him up at night

a/n: because my guy best friends started messaging out of nowhere and i’m missing them more than usual.